How can I go forward when I don’t know which way I’m facing
How can I go forward when I don’t know which way to turn
How can I go forward into something I’m not sure of
Oh no, oh no
“How” – John W.O. Lennon
Crossroads. What do you do what you find yourself rapidly approaching a crossroad in life that you may, or may not, have ever considered you’d be facing before? Personally, I’m always grateful when I at least get enough time to stop and consider where each direction could take me. Because, for one thing, it’s not really just me. I have other passengers aboard my starship, and I need to ensure their safe arrival at a planet that is…hopefully…still there by the time I drop out of hypserspace, and not blown to bits by some moon that’s a space station.
This would probably be a good time to say that fans of Star Wars analogies will probably really love the next few hundred entries in this series. Those who don’t, well…the Force will be with you, always. Which is Jedi for, “Eat a dick. I like them.”
Being at a crossroads used to be nothing but excitement.
Some of my recent satire: Kellyanne Conway Says Nats Fans Were Alternative Cheering Trump
When I was younger, the idea of a starting a new chapter in my life seemed so natural that I never gave it a second thought, usually. Move from a small mountain town to one of the biggest counties in the state, with more people in my zip code than live full time in my hometown? Check.
Move from that big ass county to THE BIGGEST MOTHERFUCKING COUNTY in the state a few years later? Sure.
Move back down to the original big ass county a little while later? Yup, yup.
In fact, at one time, picking up and moving my shit somewhere new — anywhere new — would have really made me insanely, incredibly excited. New opportunities are pretty intoxicating to people of a certain age, and of a particular mindset…both of which I was and had. It was partly in my DNA and partly just who I naturally felt like I was…nomadic in a small sense.
And all of that moving was done without too much idea of where I really thought my life was headed, or maybe even where I wanted to go after a certain point. At a pretty early age it felt like my direction was taken from me…my life’s compass thrown out into the wilderness, literally and metaphorically speaking. Rudderless is a good word, but aimless works, too. I knew what I wanted, but without any kind of help to find a path to that goal, I guess I just kept trying to blaze one as far as I could on my own.
Always buried deep somewhere inside me was the feeling that I wanted to build something, and have people come to it. You have no idea how hard I stifled to desire to make a cum joke there, by the way. Of course, the keen comedy eye will no doubt note that, by bringing it up as I did, I still ran headlong into that particular subject, thereby making the cum joke afterall, albeit much more directly, and some might argue…less funnily.
But since Billy the Keen Comedy Eye isn’t here with his judgy bullshit, we’re gonna just move right along.
I have a clearer idea of where I want to focus my energy and where it is I’m using it to get to than at any other point in my life. Frankly, though, it’s with a lot more trepidation to jump headlong into the abyss to get there. It’s not a matter of believing I can.
I have amazing people in my life now that believe in me, and I’ve learned to value that feeling. It’s a matter of realizing that the leap of faith I’m taking involves grabbing even more hands in mine and tossing ourselves all into the still, cool air of hopeful new horizon.
And all at the same time, I’m feeling an intense, burning desire to help my partner — my life’s burning sun, and my vital, necessary support — find her way through a crossroads and onto that ultimate, fulfilling path at the same time. That’s what this deal was we made all those years ago was al about, and I couldn’t be more excited to hold up my end of it.
I’m not someone who believes in these sorts of things, but I’m a writer and I do enjoy a good metaphor, so…If I were to believe in these sorts of things, now would be the time you feel yourself pulled in a direction that you’re not sure of, and don’t know…yet, believe with everything inside you, is the way you’re supposed to go.
Until tomorrow, thanks for reading.
Catch up on the rest of the year’s entries HERE.
Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.