Tickets Still Available For “Me-2017” New Year’s Eve Ball Hosted By Kevin Spacey, Louis CK

NEW YORK, NEW YORK — The finishing touches are being put on the Cosby Ballroom in Manhattan’s Trump Tower. The Me-2017 New Year’s Eve Ball is scheduled to be one of the hottest tickets in town, back in 2016 at least. Now, however, the list of scheduled celebrity attendees might not attract to many attendees,… Continue reading Tickets Still Available For “Me-2017” New Year’s Eve Ball Hosted By Kevin Spacey, Louis CK

Local Holocaust Denier Outraged To Find Out Trump’s A Climate Denier Too

MINE CAMP, WEST VIRGINIA — Chad Skeeter is a 37 year old white nationalist who believes that the liberal Democrat agenda includes a systematic wiping out of his race, which he calls “white genocide.” Because of that deeply rooted belief, Skeeter says he’s been a lifelong Republican, though he said his belief in tax cuts… Continue reading Local Holocaust Denier Outraged To Find Out Trump’s A Climate Denier Too

Roy Moore Says Elections Are ‘Like Teenage Girls,’ And Refuses To Pull Out Of Race He Lost

PEDURAST, ALABAMA — Former Alabama judge Roy Moore lost a hotly contested election earlier this month to a Democrat in his home state, and he is still not quite over the pain of that loss. Late Wednesday night, the religious conservative filed a lawsuit to block the results of the election and prevent Doug Jones… Continue reading Roy Moore Says Elections Are ‘Like Teenage Girls,’ And Refuses To Pull Out Of Race He Lost

Trump Signs Executive Order Requiring All Holiday Greetings Replaced With “Merry Christmas”

This week, President Donald Trump issued an executive order that he says will “ensure the dominance of Christmas for generations to come.” “Folks, we’ve had a really tremendous, bigly tremendous most would say, year. We’ve had so many victories, so many,” Trump said. “We stole a Supreme Court seat from a black…president. We established my… Continue reading Trump Signs Executive Order Requiring All Holiday Greetings Replaced With “Merry Christmas”

On 16th Tee, Trump Unveils New National Security Strategy Of “Ooga Booga Muslims!”

MAR-A-LAGO — Not wanting to be accused of vacationing too much during his first year, President Trump paused shortly before taking his tee shot on the sixteenth hole of his golf course at his resort Mar-A-Lago in Florida to talk to reporters about his brand new national security strategy. Last week, the president spoke to… Continue reading On 16th Tee, Trump Unveils New National Security Strategy Of “Ooga Booga Muslims!”

CDC Reports 65% Fewer “Happy Holidays” Related Heart Attacks This Christmas Weekend

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump declared victory for the forces of Merry Christmas in the decades-long War on Christmas this past weekend. In a tweet, Trump took credit for “leading the charge” and making it acceptable to use the phrase “Merry Christmas” in America again. Trump of course was referring to the law signed… Continue reading CDC Reports 65% Fewer “Happy Holidays” Related Heart Attacks This Christmas Weekend

General Trump Declares Victory In The War On Christmas

WASHINGTON, D.C. — A strident and victorious General Donald Trump — President of The United States of America — triumphantly burst onto the front lawn of the White House this morning, a house cat that he had reportedly just grabbed on his way out the door held aloft, and proclaimed victory in the War on… Continue reading General Trump Declares Victory In The War On Christmas

Santa Claus Apologizes For Trump Of Coal He Put In Entire World’s Stockings Last Year

HIGH ABOVE PLANET EARTH — The world is a very big place, and when your primary job in it is to deliver toys and presents to all the good little boys and girls living on it, it can feel even bigger than it is. For Santa Claus, known also as Jolly Old Saint Nick, The… Continue reading Santa Claus Apologizes For Trump Of Coal He Put In Entire World’s Stockings Last Year

Disappointed Eric Trump Told SpaceX Launch Was Not Actually Santa’s Sleigh

NEW YORK, NEW YORK — The president’s second son had to be let down gently this morning by his wife, children, and dogs. All of Eric’s family had to gather in their living room to break some tough news to the man almost smart enough to be considered the fifth dumbest member of the Trump… Continue reading Disappointed Eric Trump Told SpaceX Launch Was Not Actually Santa’s Sleigh

Russian Prostitute Takes Credit For Giving Trump Idea For Trickle Down Tax Plan

MOSCOW, RUSSIA — Today, President Donald Trump signed a massive tax cut into law. The tax overhaul is expected to bring modest savings to middle class families in cuts that will phase out over a ten year period, while corporate tax rates will be permanently slashed. Independent analysis shows this tax plan will likely blow… Continue reading Russian Prostitute Takes Credit For Giving Trump Idea For Trickle Down Tax Plan