Trump Says President Of Guam Helped Him Write State Of The Union Address

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Today President Trump told reporters in the Oval Office he wanted to “get out in front” of a possible controversy brewing over his State of the Union address, which he will give to a joint session of Congress later today. “Look, I’m sure some of the very fake news will be reporting… Continue reading Trump Says President Of Guam Helped Him Write State Of The Union Address

Trump Orders The Formation Of New, “ICE-S” Squad For Hispanic or Muslim Deportation Arrests

DAVOS, SWITZERLAND — While traveling overseas to meet with the world’s richest and most elite members of society, President Donald Trump signed an executive order on Air Force One directing the Immigration and Customs Enforcement department to establish a new squad of agents specifically tasked with arresting Mexican or Muslim people accused of violating United… Continue reading Trump Orders The Formation Of New, “ICE-S” Squad For Hispanic or Muslim Deportation Arrests

Senate Democrats Promise To Have Spinal Placement Surgery Completed Before Midterms

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer (D-NY) told reporters today that the majority of his conference will be undergoing a special surgery procedure to have new, more robust spinal columns added to their gelatinous, reptilian forms. “It’s true, we rolled over on over 800,000 Dreamers — people who have lived in this country… Continue reading Senate Democrats Promise To Have Spinal Placement Surgery Completed Before Midterms

Eric Trump Asks His Dad If Stormy Daniels Is His New Sister

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Sources close to the Trump family say that this weekend, an awkward confrontation between President Trump and his middle son, Eric, took place at the White House. Reportedly, Eric sounded “nervous and scared” when he approached his father with a question he said he was scared to ask, but after being assured… Continue reading Eric Trump Asks His Dad If Stormy Daniels Is His New Sister

Dems Float Legislation Directing DHH To Allow Doctors To Refuse Treating Mouth Breathing Religious Zealots

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In response to the Trump administration’s efforts to overhaul the Department of Health and Human Services to offer legal protections for doctors, nurses, and other medical staff to deny healthcare and other services to patients based on their religious beliefs, congressional Democrats are reportedly working on counterbalancing legislation. Last week, it was… Continue reading Dems Float Legislation Directing DHH To Allow Doctors To Refuse Treating Mouth Breathing Religious Zealots

Exhausted Trump Asks Staffers If They Can Take Fewer Pictures Pretending To Work During Shutdown Today

WASHINGTON D.C. — The federal government is in the middle of its first shutdown during a time in which one party holds control of all three branches ever. Exactly a year to the day after he was sworn into office, President Donald Trump watched as Congress couldn’t get a last minute funding deal together and… Continue reading Exhausted Trump Asks Staffers If They Can Take Fewer Pictures Pretending To Work During Shutdown Today

Trump Asks John Kelly If Taxpayers Will Still Pay For His Golf Outing Security During Government Shutdown

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Sources within the White House are telling reporters that this morning, President Trump seemed to be accepting of the fact that the federal government could shutdown under his watch in just a matter of days. With a looming budget resolution crisis ahead of him, Trump seemed to throw more cold water on… Continue reading Trump Asks John Kelly If Taxpayers Will Still Pay For His Golf Outing Security During Government Shutdown