Anonymous White House Staffer Says President Concerned First Lady ‘Only Blows Sometimes’

WASHINGTON, D.C. — An anonymous, extremely highly placed contact within the Donald Trump administration has indicated that there is growing unease between the president and his First Lady. “Look, we’re talking, like, way bigly on the downlow here, okay? I don’t want this reported about later in the FAKE DEMOCRAT ENEMY OF THE PEOPLE NEWS… Continue reading Anonymous White House Staffer Says President Concerned First Lady ‘Only Blows Sometimes’

White Nationalism Ban Briefly Brings Down President’s Facebook Page

SWILLYCORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA — This week, Facebook announced sweeping new policy changes in an effort to curb the use of their platform by purveyors of hate speech, issuing a permanent ban of white nationalist and white separatist content. This year, Republican Congressman Steve King of Iowa was stripped of all his committee assignments when during… Continue reading White Nationalism Ban Briefly Brings Down President’s Facebook Page

Barr Says Mueller Report Exonerates Obama for Forging Hawaiian Birth Certificate, Confiscating Everyone’s Guns

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Attorney General William Barr keeps finding ways that the Mueller Report exonerates President Trump for various acts he has committed. First, Barr used FBI Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s report to justify concluding that there wasn’t enough evidence that Trump obstructed the investigation into Russian interference in the 2016 election. Then, surprisingly, Barr… Continue reading Barr Says Mueller Report Exonerates Obama for Forging Hawaiian Birth Certificate, Confiscating Everyone’s Guns

Barr Says Mueller Report Exonerates Trump for Saying Mexico Would Pay for Border Wall

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Attorney General Barr is not done exonerating President Donald Trump based on the highly-anticipated report from FBI Special Counsel Robert Mueller. “This morning, I had the time to quickly scan, like I did last time, the full report from Special Counsel Robert Mueller, and while I cannot and never will show you… Continue reading Barr Says Mueller Report Exonerates Trump for Saying Mexico Would Pay for Border Wall

God Orders Recall of Bibles Autographed by Trump

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY — Larry “God” Schumway has announced an immediate and emergency recall of every Bible signed by President Donald Trump during his recent visit to tornado victims in Alabama. Schumay, President and CEO of Holy Trinity, Inc., the after-life’s most profitable and longest-running timeshare development, issued the recall after several of his future… Continue reading God Orders Recall of Bibles Autographed by Trump

Pelosi Offers McConnell Voter ID Laws for Voter IQ Laws

WASHINGTON, D.C. — For years, the Republican Party has been behind a push to institute voter ID laws in as many states as they could. Under the guise of securing elections, the GOP has long argued that in-person voter fraud is a serious, clear and present threat to electoral integrity. Democrats have countered that argument… Continue reading Pelosi Offers McConnell Voter ID Laws for Voter IQ Laws

Trump Challenges John McCain to Fist Fight

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Over the last several days, President Donald Trump has increased his hostile, combative, insulting, and demeaning rhetoric toward the late Senator John McCain, culminating in him telling reporters he’s “never been a fan of John McCain” and he “never will.” President Trump has indicated that he feels personally hurt and offended that… Continue reading Trump Challenges John McCain to Fist Fight

Hillary Clinton Assures Beto O’Rourke DNC Forcing Him on Everyone is Winning Strategy

NEW YORK, NEW YORK — On leftover official Democratic National Committee stationery she was still holding onto from the 2016 presidential election, former Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton sent a personal letter to Beto O’Rourke this week, urging him to “stay the course” and “let the DNC put the gun to everyone’s head” for… Continue reading Hillary Clinton Assures Beto O’Rourke DNC Forcing Him on Everyone is Winning Strategy

Obama Autographs Woman’s No-Cost Mammogram She Got Through ACA

CHICAGO, ILLINOIS —  When President Donald Trump visited areas of Alabama devastated by a spate of tornadoes, he raised eyebrows after he started signing autographs for supporters. What seemed to cause the buzz wasn’t that he was autographing things for victims of natural disasters, but what it was he was signing –namely Bibles, and even… Continue reading Obama Autographs Woman’s No-Cost Mammogram She Got Through ACA