Study Shows 10 Out of 10 People Against Abortion Never Have to Get One

A new study just recently published indicates that for every ten people who oppose abortion, ten are not required by any laws to have one. The study, conducted by Common Sense Polling in collaboration with No Duh Data Solutions, shows that fully 100% of the anti-abortion population in America is not under any obligation whatsoever to get an abortion.… Continue reading Study Shows 10 Out of 10 People Against Abortion Never Have to Get One

MAGA Supporter Wants to Know Why Twitter’s Algorithm Made Him Tweet Racist, Sexist, Homophobic Content No One Wants to See

COLD CAVE HILLS, TENNESSEE — Right-wing podcaster and singer/writer Jethro Bohiggins says he “knows for a fact” that social media giants like Facebook and Twitter are “full-on, hardcore censoring conservative voices,” and he’s particular angry at Twitter these days. Bohiggins says he believes that he’s being shadowbanned by Twitter, and that the lack of activity… Continue reading MAGA Supporter Wants to Know Why Twitter’s Algorithm Made Him Tweet Racist, Sexist, Homophobic Content No One Wants to See

Local Moron Doesn’t Understand Difference Between Climate and Weather

FARTKNOCKER FALLS, IDAHO — 52 year old Matt Ricci does not believe that climate change poses “all that much a threat” to human existence, that it’s “prolly a Chinese hoax,” and that he’s “sick to death of libtards ramming it down everyone’s throats.” Ricci also has a reputation in his small Idaho town for being… Continue reading Local Moron Doesn’t Understand Difference Between Climate and Weather

Surgeon General: Teens and Pregnant Women Should Avoid Cannabis and Driving Cars Off Bridges

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Surgeon General issued a warning to Americans this week, urging adolescents and pregnant women to avoid ingesting cannabis and/or driving their cars off bridges. “In the interest of reiterating obvious as hell warnings about very common sense things, I must warn all adolescents and expectant mothers to avoid both marijuana usage… Continue reading Surgeon General: Teens and Pregnant Women Should Avoid Cannabis and Driving Cars Off Bridges

Trump Official: IG Report Indicates Comey Was Second Gunman on Grassy Knoll and Helped Hillary Cover Up Benghazi

WASHINGTON, D.C. — This morning, the Office of the Inspector General released a report on the actions of fired FBI Director James Comey. Mr. Comey was terminated as FBI Director by former Attorney General Jeff Sessions at the behest of President Donald Trump back in 2017. Comey’s firing was one of the key events that… Continue reading Trump Official: IG Report Indicates Comey Was Second Gunman on Grassy Knoll and Helped Hillary Cover Up Benghazi

NBC To Put Trump Trigger Warning Before Every Episode Of Saturday Night Live

NEW YORK, NEW YORK — Since becoming President, Donald Trump has tweeted his displeasure with the cast and crew of “Saturday Night Live” mocking him on multiple occasions. Trump attacked the long-running sketch comedy show before he was even sworn-in. https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/805278955150471168 Just last month, Trump complained to Twitter about SNL again. https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1097116612279316480 This morning, Trump… Continue reading NBC To Put Trump Trigger Warning Before Every Episode Of Saturday Night Live

Hurricane Dorian Makes Preemptive Strike Against U.S. Nuclear Arsenal

WASHINGTON, D.C. — At the time of publication, the Pentagon is confirming that the United States military is formulating a response to an unforeseen and catastrophic attack on its nuclear arsenal from Hurricane Dorian. Reportedly, President Trump is incensed and outraged that, as he was quoted as saying to the joint chiefs of staff by… Continue reading Hurricane Dorian Makes Preemptive Strike Against U.S. Nuclear Arsenal

Trump Says Next G-7 Should Be Held in Russian Bathhouse

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Last week, President Trump took part in the G-7 summit. The meeting of seven of the most powerful countries in the world used to be known as the G-8 summit, but Russia was kicked out of the group when it illegally annexed Crimea. During the summit, Trump surprised almost no one when… Continue reading Trump Says Next G-7 Should Be Held in Russian Bathhouse

Bush Says Trump Should Know How to Pronounce ‘Nookular Weapons’ Before He Uses Them on Hurricanes

CABEZA MIERDA, TEXAS — Former President George W. Bush left the public spotlight in January of 2009 when Barack Obama was sworn in as the 44th president. Throughout Obama’s two terms, Mr. Bush was usually mum on most subjects. Some have speculated it’s because of how strongly public sentiment had turned against Bush — the… Continue reading Bush Says Trump Should Know How to Pronounce ‘Nookular Weapons’ Before He Uses Them on Hurricanes