Man Strikes First Blow in War on Christmas Putting Up His Lights on Halloween

CENTRAL VALLEY, CALIFORNIA — Inspired by President Donald Trump’s repeated rhetoric, including a 2017 speech at the Value Voters Summit yesterday, Kevin Palumbo went to his garage this morning, grabbed his ten foot ladder, and all sixteen boxes of Christmas lights he owns. Palumbo put each and every strand up of Christmas lights he owns… Continue reading Man Strikes First Blow in War on Christmas Putting Up His Lights on Halloween

KKK’s Stormfront Added to Facebook News

SWILLY CORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA — This week, Facebook News debuted for a select group of users of the social media platform. During the 2016 presidential election, Facebook was weaponized by propagandists and agitators to take advantage of its algorithm and pump out disinformation meant to influence the race. The international intelligence community — more than… Continue reading KKK’s Stormfront Added to Facebook News

Trump to Give Himself Purple Heart for Getting Ego Bruised by Impeachment Proceedings

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a closed-door deposition today, Lt. Col. Alexander Vindman gave what some are calling damning testimony regarding the call between President Donald Trump and a newly elected Ukrainian president this summer. The call, in which Trump attempted several times to extract a promise from his Ukrainian counterpart of a criminal investigation into… Continue reading Trump to Give Himself Purple Heart for Getting Ego Bruised by Impeachment Proceedings

Clowns Hold Press Conference and Raid Closed Door Deposition

WASHINGTON, D.C. — A gaggle of drunken, angry clowns held an emotional press conference in the nation’s capital last week. After each clown gave a bitter, terse speech about how they felt shut out from the impeachment proceedings currently underway in a handful of congressional committees, they did what clowns do best and put on… Continue reading Clowns Hold Press Conference and Raid Closed Door Deposition

Kellyanne Conway Says Nats Fans Were Alternative Cheering Trump

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Senior mendacity adviser to the president, Kellyanne Conway, told reporters tonight that fans did not boo Donald Trump during Game 5 of the World Series between the Washington Nationals and the Houston Astros. Instead, Conway says that fans were dong an “alternative cheer” for him. “Excuse me, excuse me. But why you… Continue reading Kellyanne Conway Says Nats Fans Were Alternative Cheering Trump

Trump Orders Washington Nats and Their Fans Deported ‘Back to Maple Mexico’

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Immediately upon returning back to the White House from the Washington Nationals’ baseball stadium, President Donald J. Trump ordered the immediate deportation of the team and all its fans “back to Maple Mexico.” Mr. Trump had been overwhelmingly jeered during the game, and there were long, sustained chants of “lock him up”… Continue reading Trump Orders Washington Nats and Their Fans Deported ‘Back to Maple Mexico’

President Asked If His Bone Spurs Could Assist Special Forces’ al-Baghdadi Operation ‘In Any Way’

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Before authorizing the military operation that ended in the death of Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, a man considered by many a de facto leader of ISIS, President Donald Trump asked top military advisers if his bone spurs could participate in any way. According to several sources close to the situation, Trump told everyone… Continue reading President Asked If His Bone Spurs Could Assist Special Forces’ al-Baghdadi Operation ‘In Any Way’

Giuliani’s Mouth Dials Trump’s Butt and Asks If It Needs a Kiss

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani made headlines a couple of days ago when he accidentally “butt-dialed” a reporter and could be heard bemoaning the fact that he needed more money and to dig up dirt on the Biden family. This morning, however, another rectally related phone call was made by… Continue reading Giuliani’s Mouth Dials Trump’s Butt and Asks If It Needs a Kiss

Gowdy: “How Can You Impeach Trump When He Wasn’t Even Involved in Benghazi?”

AMOR DU COUSIN, SOUTH CAROLINA — Former Congressman Trey Gowdy is no stranger to fights between the Executive and Legislative branches of the U.S. government. While Barack Obama was president, Gowdy spearheaded more than one multimillion dollar investigation into former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and the terror attack on a consular building in Benghazi.… Continue reading Gowdy: “How Can You Impeach Trump When He Wasn’t Even Involved in Benghazi?”