Pat Robertson: “You Will Go To Hell for Loving Baby Yoda and Baby Jesus”

VIRGINIA BEACH, VIRGINIA — Televangelist Pat Robertson has a stern warning for Christians who also consider themselves fans of the Star Wars franchise not to invest themselves too heavily in the sci-fi space opera. Robertson specifically was concerned about a new character introduced in the popular new Disney+ original program, The Mandalorian.  MORE: Barr Says Presidents Can Ignore… Continue reading Pat Robertson: “You Will Go To Hell for Loving Baby Yoda and Baby Jesus”

Is Your Rascal Scooter Fully Charged In Preparation for a Second Civil War?

The President of the United States is currently the subject of an active impeachment inquiry. As most Americans know, however, the United States isn’t a country made up of a government comprised of three wholly separate and equal branches of government that hold each other in check and balance one another’s powers with their own.… Continue reading Is Your Rascal Scooter Fully Charged In Preparation for a Second Civil War?

Tomi Lahren to Release List of Acceptable Ways for Black People to Protest Abuse

BROKE WIND MOUNTAIN, CALIFORNIA — From a secluded cabin in the mountains of Southern California, right-wing firebrand commentator and Fox News contributing racist Tammy Lahren has been working diligently and with very little rest on a new list of ways that members of the African American community can protest abuse that she — and every… Continue reading Tomi Lahren to Release List of Acceptable Ways for Black People to Protest Abuse

Whiny Cunt Won’t Stop Complaining About Social Media on Social Media

WASHINGTON, D.C. — He doesn’t have to tweet. There is no clause in the United States Constitution that requires any social media company, much less Twitter, to give an account to the president. Historically, the American people have looked at their chief executive as someone with enormous power, but who is also no better than… Continue reading Whiny Cunt Won’t Stop Complaining About Social Media on Social Media

Trump Signs Executive Order Demanding Facebook and Twitter Make Him Look Attractive and Competent

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump proved his small-government, traditionally conservative values today when he signed an executive order demanding that private companies that run social media platforms treat him exactly the way he demands to be treated. Trump was reportedly put into a frenzy when Twitter decided to exercise its terms of service and… Continue reading Trump Signs Executive Order Demanding Facebook and Twitter Make Him Look Attractive and Competent

Lahren Defends George Floyd’s Killer: “Blue Kneels Matter More”

LA VALLE RUBIA PINCHE PUTA, CALIFORNIA — Fox News contributing racist Tomi Lahren has made quite  career for herself out of defending the police in every famous case where questionable use of force is at the heart of the matter. The brutal killing of George Floyd by an officer in Minneapolis — an act recorded… Continue reading Lahren Defends George Floyd’s Killer: “Blue Kneels Matter More”

Trump Demands Twitter Give Alternative Fact-Checks to Democrat Tweets

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump is not pleased at all that Twitter slapped fact-check labels on two of his tweets yesterday, and his outrage is so strong that the normally calm and reticent president has lashed out multiple times on Twitter about it. An outraged Trump complained that Twitter is “stifling free speech” by… Continue reading Trump Demands Twitter Give Alternative Fact-Checks to Democrat Tweets

Twitter to Start Putting “Emotionally Fragile Idiot” Label on Trump Tweets

SWILLY CORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA — Yesterday, for the first time ever, Twitter applied real-time fact checks to tweets created and sent by the most powerful man in the world. The social media giant earlier this year issued a statement that they would be labeling misleading tweets from politicians and heads of state rather than ban… Continue reading Twitter to Start Putting “Emotionally Fragile Idiot” Label on Trump Tweets

Twitter Won’t Pull Down Trump’s Tweets About Fucking Jack Dorsey’s Mom

SWILLY CORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA — Twitter has officially declined to pull down tweets sent on their platform my President Donald J. Trump, despite them very likely breaching several of their own terms of service. Specifically, Twitter announced it would not be pulling down tweets Trump made about either a long-debunked conspiracy theory about MSNBC host… Continue reading Twitter Won’t Pull Down Trump’s Tweets About Fucking Jack Dorsey’s Mom

Poll: Majority of Americans Wish Trump’s Mom Had Been Pro-Choice

As the election draws closer, there’s little doubt that President Donald Trump believes he’s reliant in large part on the votes of conservative evangelical Christians. Despite being a thrice-married man with a long, public history of tawdry sexual affairs with women both in and out of wedlock, in 2016 evangelicals hoisted Mr. Trump upon their… Continue reading Poll: Majority of Americans Wish Trump’s Mom Had Been Pro-Choice