Trump Jr Wonders If Biden Can Snort a 3AM Adderall Bump in an Emergency

NEW YORK, NEW YORK — In American politics, a question gets asked about the fitness of just about any presidential candidate. Can they answer an early morning phone call and snap into action? In other words, when the pressure its highest and preparation its least possible, can a candidate be a leader and guide the… Continue reading Trump Jr Wonders If Biden Can Snort a 3AM Adderall Bump in an Emergency

Can America Ever Return to a Simpler Time With Less White Nationalist Violence and More Demon Semen?

In Kenosha, Wisconsin and Portland, Oregon last week, Americans watched in horror as two separate incidents of extreme, politically-motivated violence took place. In Wisconsin, a 17-year old white nationalist vigilante killed two and seriously wounded another with his AR-15 semi-automatic long rifle during civil unrest that was protesting a police shooting that resulted in seven… Continue reading Can America Ever Return to a Simpler Time With Less White Nationalist Violence and More Demon Semen?

Kellyanne Conway Jumps Into Dumpster Fire ‘Once More For Old Times’ Sake’

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Authorities in the nation’s capital are reporting that soon-to-be former White House aide Kellyanne Conway is “shaken up but will survive without complications” after she was pulled from a raging dumpster fire she says she jumped into out of an “overwhelming feeling of nostalgia.” MORE: Jacob Blake’s Back Feels Really Bad for… Continue reading Kellyanne Conway Jumps Into Dumpster Fire ‘Once More For Old Times’ Sake’

Jacob Blake’s Back Feels Really Bad for Rand Paul’s Ego

KENOSHA, WISCONSIN — Last night, the Republican Nationalist Convention wrapped-up in Washington, D.C. It was the first and only time a sitting president has used the grounds of the White House for a political event, seeming to flagrantly violate the Hatch Act, which prohibits using public lands and property for partisan politicking. At at time… Continue reading Jacob Blake’s Back Feels Really Bad for Rand Paul’s Ego

POLL: No One Cares What This Narcissistic Conman Douchebag Reality TV White Collar Crook Said About Joe Biden

Last night, a rage-filled, racist, narcissistic conman douchebag reality-TV game show host and white collar crook abused his power, and stood on the White House lawn lawn, delivering a speech he hoped might convince America to give him a second term as their president. A snap poll conducted overnight, however, shows that he maybe could… Continue reading POLL: No One Cares What This Narcissistic Conman Douchebag Reality TV White Collar Crook Said About Joe Biden

UPDATE: Ann Coulter Still a Horse-Faced Racist Cuntrag

Ann Coulter, conservative author and race war agitator, is still officially considered a “horse-faced racist cuntrag,” according to internationally accepted laws and standards governing such classifications. According to a press release sent just moments ago from the International Cuntographical Association confirmed that Coulter has a horse face and is also a racist cuntrag. MORE: ISIS Thanks… Continue reading UPDATE: Ann Coulter Still a Horse-Faced Racist Cuntrag

2020 Republican Nationalist Convention Will Close With Ceremonial Book Burning

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump will close out the 2020 Republican Nationalist Convention tonight by tossing a ceremonial match onto a pile of gasoline soaked books, igniting them and capping off almost a week of fanfare and fluffing of his ego. MORE: NBC News to Track How Many Americans Die From COVID During RNC… Continue reading 2020 Republican Nationalist Convention Will Close With Ceremonial Book Burning

ISIS Thanks White House for Successfully Radicalizing Kyle Rittenhouse

SYRIA — The terror organization known as ISIS has issued a brief statement in the wake of the murder of two people and serious wounding of another at the hands of a radicalized white nationalist teenager in Kenosha, Wisconsin. MORE: Liberty University to Give Falwell 21-Cuck Salute Send-Off ISIS’ letter is addressed to President Donald… Continue reading ISIS Thanks White House for Successfully Radicalizing Kyle Rittenhouse

NBC News to Track How Many Americans Die From COVID During RNC Broadcast

NEW YORK, NEW YORK — NBC News has decided to display a real-time tracker of how many Americans die from COVID-19 complications during the Republican National Convention. MORE: Racist Gold Digging Birther Exploits Her Immigrant Story While Thousands of Brown Kids Sit In Cages “We think there might be some people in the president’s base… Continue reading NBC News to Track How Many Americans Die From COVID During RNC Broadcast

Racist Gold Digging Birther Exploits Her Immigrant Story While Thousands of Brown Kids Sit In Cages

WASHINGTON, D.C. — A racist, gold digging birther stood before the nation last night, exploiting her own immigration story while she made a pitch for the American electorate to give her racist, lifelong fuck-up husband a second chance to be president for four years. MORE: DeJoy: “What the Fuckin’ Fuck is That Blue Box Lookin’… Continue reading Racist Gold Digging Birther Exploits Her Immigrant Story While Thousands of Brown Kids Sit In Cages