A Complete List of All the Daughter Lusting White Collar Criminals Who Smoked Nazi Pole During a Presidential Debate

When you’re living in historic times, sometimes it’s hard to recognize, contemporaneously, just how historic those times might be. ALSO: Eric Finds Daddy’s Next Tax Payment in White House Sofa Cushions For instance, one might presume that a sitting president sucking off Nazis in public and making them feel like they’re on the side of… Continue reading A Complete List of All the Daughter Lusting White Collar Criminals Who Smoked Nazi Pole During a Presidential Debate

Biden Will Ask Trump to Be Fitted With Sweat-Activated Muzzle Prior to Next Debate

CLEVELAND, OHIO — Last night’s presidential debate between former Vice President Joe Biden and President Donald Trump was short on substantive discussions of the issues, but long on shouting, interruptions, conspiracy theories, and bullying put on display by the commander in chief. ALSO: In 2017, Trump Spent $750 in Taxes, and $750,000 in Big Macs… Continue reading Biden Will Ask Trump to Be Fitted With Sweat-Activated Muzzle Prior to Next Debate

300 lb. Toddler Throws 90-Minute Tantrum

CLEVELAND, OHIO — A massive, 300-pound orange toddler stood on a stage with former Vice President Joe Biden last night and threw what scholars and historians are calling the longest, most prolonged tantrum in American history. MORE: Eric Finds Daddy’s Next Tax Payment in White House Sofa Cushions In theory, the night’s event was intended… Continue reading 300 lb. Toddler Throws 90-Minute Tantrum

Eric Finds Daddy’s Next Tax Payment in White House Sofa Cushions

WASHINGTON, D.C. — “Daddy! Daddy! Come quick! I just found a butt load of money, and we can keep it all, Daddy!” ALSO: Trump Thought IRS Stood For “I Repulsed Stormy” The shouts were heard last night, coming from the presidential residency in the White House. Eric Trump, the president’s third most intelligent son, was… Continue reading Eric Finds Daddy’s Next Tax Payment in White House Sofa Cushions

Why Won’t Joe Biden Agree to a Full Body Cavity Search Before Tonight’s Debate?

What’s Joe Biden hiding? Why won’t he acquiesce to any of Dear President’s demands about the first debate between the two tonight? First, Biden won’t take a drug test even though his lord and president DEMANDED IT. The nerve. The gall. In a free country, to tell the president no like that? It’s very fishy,… Continue reading Why Won’t Joe Biden Agree to a Full Body Cavity Search Before Tonight’s Debate?

Biden Thanks Orange Garbage Bag Full of Molten, Diarrhea for Preparing Him to Debate Trump

CLEVELAND, OHIO — Tonight, after months of anticipation, the first presidential debate of the 2020 election season between former Vice President Joe Biden and President Donald Trump will commence. Both men have reportedly been doing some form of debate prep. Trump has been working with former New Jersey Governor Chris Christie and former New York… Continue reading Biden Thanks Orange Garbage Bag Full of Molten, Diarrhea for Preparing Him to Debate Trump

Trump Thought IRS Stood For “I Repulsed Stormy”

WASHINGTON, D.C. — According to an explosive new report in The New York Times, President Donald Trump paid only $750 in taxes in the years 2017 and 2018, and it’s very likely he has paid even less in most of the last decade. The report also details that he is in debt to the tune of over… Continue reading Trump Thought IRS Stood For “I Repulsed Stormy”

Biden: “I Know Watching People Piss Might Be His Thing, But I Won’t Be Taking Trump’s Drug Test”

DELAWARE — President Donald Trump really, really, really wants former Vice President Joe Biden to take a drug test prior to tomorrow night’s presidential debate. Trump has mentioned that he believes Biden uses some kind of performance enhancing drug to help him during debates, and has tweeted on multiple occasions about the issue. RELATED: In 2017, Trump… Continue reading Biden: “I Know Watching People Piss Might Be His Thing, But I Won’t Be Taking Trump’s Drug Test”

Barrett Promises to Leave Her Religion Out of Legal Opinions as Long as God and Her Husband Say She Can

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The nation’s capital is dug in for one hell of a fight. There seems to be very little doubt that Senate Republicans will do everything in their power — and perhaps some things technically not in their power — to rush Judge Amy Coney Barrett through the confirmation process and into the… Continue reading Barrett Promises to Leave Her Religion Out of Legal Opinions as Long as God and Her Husband Say She Can

In 2017, Trump Spent $750 in Taxes, and $750,000 in Big Macs

This weekend, The Failing Any Minute Now, We Promise, They Really ARE Failing New York Times published what in many circles is being called a “bombshell” report on President Donald Trump‘s tax returns. The report indicates that in 2016 and 2017, President Trump paid just $750 in taxes respectively, and contains several facts about Trump’s business empire… Continue reading In 2017, Trump Spent $750 in Taxes, and $750,000 in Big Macs