Biden Doesn’t Mind Winning AZ ‘As Many Times as It Takes Don Trump to Accept Reality’

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Though MAGA nation might be reeling from the results, and the rest of the non-confederated states in the union might be sick of them taking place at all, there’s one man in the nation’s capitol who told reporters today that he has “absolutely, positively no worries about” Republican led so-called audits of… Continue reading Biden Doesn’t Mind Winning AZ ‘As Many Times as It Takes Don Trump to Accept Reality’

Republicans Outraged Milley Showed More Loyalty to Country Than Trump’s Balls

WASHINGTON, D.C. — For decades, the American people heard a steady refrain from the right-wing of the political spectrum in this country: “Respect the military.” Increasingly, however, congressional Republicans are showing that might not be their party’s mantra any longer, particularly when it comes to Gen. Mark Milley, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.… Continue reading Republicans Outraged Milley Showed More Loyalty to Country Than Trump’s Balls

Kyrsten Sinema Fondly Remembers Duping Arizona Voters Into Believing She’s a Democrat

WASHINGTON, D.C. — When Kyrsten Sinema was chosen by Arizona voters to replace the late Sen. John McCain (R), part of what made the story so unbelievable was that she is a Democrat. McCain, who held the seat for decades, was a dyed in the wool Republican, and represented the fairly reliably red state as… Continue reading Kyrsten Sinema Fondly Remembers Duping Arizona Voters Into Believing She’s a Democrat

God: “I Have No Fucking Clue Who This Mango Craycray Greene Is”

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Today, House Democrats passed a bill that, if signed into law, would codify the right to an abortion, ahead of the Supreme Court hearing arguments in a case that could gut the 1973 Roe v. Wade decision that gave it to women in the first place. Shortly after the vote was taken,… Continue reading God: “I Have No Fucking Clue Who This Mango Craycray Greene Is”

Flynn: “Q Told Me Biden is Putting COVID Vaccines in Busch Beer and Marlboro Reds”

Disgraced former General Mike Flynn is pretty sure that the Biden administration is sneaking COVID-19 vaccines into the bodies of unsuspecting members of MAGA nation; he’s just not entirely sure which methods the government is using. Already this week, Flynn has accused Biden of putting vaccines in salad dressing, causing many to wonder how well… Continue reading Flynn: “Q Told Me Biden is Putting COVID Vaccines in Busch Beer and Marlboro Reds”

McEnany Blames Murder Rate Spike in 2020 on ‘Anti-Trumper Criminals’ Helping Biden’s Campaign

This morning, former White House Chief Bullshit Artist Kayleigh McEnany tweeted and quickly deleted an attack on President Joe Biden over recent reports of a 30% spike in the murder rate during 2020. McEnany retweeted an account that cited a Failing New York Times article that reported the massive uptick in the murder rate the… Continue reading McEnany Blames Murder Rate Spike in 2020 on ‘Anti-Trumper Criminals’ Helping Biden’s Campaign

Trump Warns Boebert He’ll Never Be President Again if Potential Rape Victims Are Armed

FARTS-A LOT-GO, FLORIDUH — Former one-term, twice forever impeached President Donald J. Trump issued a direct statement to one of his most loyal and ardent supporters this morning, demanding that she stop pushing to arm women to keep them from being raped. On the House floor this week, freshman congressmoron Lauren Boebert (Q-CO) implied that… Continue reading Trump Warns Boebert He’ll Never Be President Again if Potential Rape Victims Are Armed

Med Tech Company Develops “Trump 5000” Ventilator With Built-In MAGA Hat

SWILLY CORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA — A company that specializes in designing medical technology announced this morning that they will release the Trump 5000 Ventilator later this year. Gadget-Med’s Chief Media Officer held a press conference this morning and gave reporters some key details and insights about the Trump 5000. “Gadget-Med is extremely excited to announce… Continue reading Med Tech Company Develops “Trump 5000” Ventilator With Built-In MAGA Hat

Boebert and Greene File Articles of Impeachment Against Hunter Biden’s Laptop

WASHINGTON, D.C. — When Democrats and a handful of vertebrate Republicans impeached Donald Trump twice, Republicans warned that there would be recompense. Today, in a move sure to stir quite a commotion on the Hill, Trump’s loyalist struck their first blow for revenge in the D-list reality TV game show host’s honor. “It is with… Continue reading Boebert and Greene File Articles of Impeachment Against Hunter Biden’s Laptop

TX Man Unsure Whether to Let Cousin Die From Complications or Sue Her For Getting Abortion

SHITLIP, TEXAS — Bill Williamson has found himself in some rather unforeseen circumstances before, but he told us during a recent Skype interview that what he’s going through now is “literally Hell on Earth,” and he’s unsure how it will resolve itself. Williamson and his wife, Helen, have been expecting their fourth child together since… Continue reading TX Man Unsure Whether to Let Cousin Die From Complications or Sue Her For Getting Abortion