Golden Corral Taps Tucker Carlson to Promote “Patriot Binge and Purge” Loyalty Program

This week, Fox News will begin airing a docuseries produced by noted white nationalist trust fund baby Tucker Carlson entitled, Patriot Purge. In the docuseries, which is already garnering enormous backlash, Carlson advances the narrative that the events on January 6th, 2021 were a “false flag” operation intended to help purge the country of so-called patriots. Eyeing… Continue reading Golden Corral Taps Tucker Carlson to Promote “Patriot Binge and Purge” Loyalty Program

No Matter What, I Back the Blue. Until I Beat Them With a Flagpole During an Insurrection.

The following editorial was submitted by State Rep. Tom Thompaulsen (R). Because of our long-standing commitment to bringing you, the reader, all sides of any issue, we have agreed to reprint Rep. Thompaulsen’s commentary in its entirety. The views and opinions expressed below are those of Rep. Thompaulsen and not necessarily those of this outlet… Continue reading No Matter What, I Back the Blue. Until I Beat Them With a Flagpole During an Insurrection.

We Corrected All of Trump’s Lies in His Wall Street Journal Letter to the Editor

Yesterday, Rupert Murdoch’s print version of Fox News, The Wall Street Journal, published a diatribe written by former, one term, twice forever impeached President Donald Trump, in its “Letters to the Editor” section, in response to a piece in the paper’s news section about Pennsylvania’s 2020 election. The letter contains numerous previously debunked conspiracy theories, new allegations… Continue reading We Corrected All of Trump’s Lies in His Wall Street Journal Letter to the Editor

Trump: The Houston Astros Really Won Game 1 of the World Series

FARTS-A-LOT-THOUGH, FLORIDA — Last night, according to the scoreboard, the Houston Astros lost Game 1 of the 2021 World Series to the Atlanta Braves. The official final score had the Braves with three runs to the one run scored by the Astros. According to a certain one term, twice forever impeached former president, however, the… Continue reading Trump: The Houston Astros Really Won Game 1 of the World Series

Experts Weigh-In: Will Your 10 Year Old’s 5G Reception Improve After Getting the COVID-19 Vaccine?

Yesterday, an FDA panel voted unanimously to recommend authorization of the Pfizer COVID-19 vaccine for children ages 5 to 11 years old. It represents a key milestone in the global pandemic, and offers even more opportunities for life to return to some form of pre-COVID normal. Now, though, might be a good time to discuss… Continue reading Experts Weigh-In: Will Your 10 Year Old’s 5G Reception Improve After Getting the COVID-19 Vaccine?

Judge: Prosecutors Can Only Call Rittenhouse a ‘Sweet White Boy Who Went Pew-Pew on Accident’

The judge presiding over the trial of accused murderous white nationalist vigilante Kyle Rittenhouse stunned prosecutors and millions of people on social media yesterday. During a hearing, the judge asserted that the people Rittenhouse killed during a riot last year could not be referred to as “victims.” Instead, the judge told prosecutors they can refer… Continue reading Judge: Prosecutors Can Only Call Rittenhouse a ‘Sweet White Boy Who Went Pew-Pew on Accident’

Boebert Thought Planning Trump’s Insurrection Just Meant ‘Giving Boners to Some Dirty MAGAs’

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Responding to a new bombshell report in Rolling Stone that indicates she participated in a plot to overturn last year’s election, freshman Congresswoman Lauren Boebert (Q-CO) tried to bat away, deflect, and downplay the implications of the article. “Yeah, so I helped out with Trump’s insurrection, what of it? Tell me what the big… Continue reading Boebert Thought Planning Trump’s Insurrection Just Meant ‘Giving Boners to Some Dirty MAGAs’

DeSantis Offers $5,000 to Any Cop With COVID That Makes Out With Him

TALLAHASSEE, FLORIDUH — The Governor of Florida is bound and determined to get police officers unvaccinated against COVID-19 to consider moving to his state. Gov. Ron DeSantis (Q), who keeps assuring his constituents he’s not eyeing a 2024 presidential bid, already made a name for himself as one of the country’s elected officials most willing… Continue reading DeSantis Offers $5,000 to Any Cop With COVID That Makes Out With Him

Trump Promises Windmill Cancer Vaccine If He Gets Second Term, But Will Not Mandate It

BUTTE CHEESE, IOWA — Former, one term, twice forever and ever and ever impeached President Donald John Trump whipped a crowd of his fervent believers into a frenzy last night. During the speech, which lasted more than sixty times longer than he’s ever held out with a woman he paid and/or coerced to sleep with… Continue reading Trump Promises Windmill Cancer Vaccine If He Gets Second Term, But Will Not Mandate It

Op-Ed: “My Genitals Are Microscopic and It’s All George Soros’ Fault!”

The following editorial was submitted by the office of Congressman Matt Gaetz (Q-FL). The views and opinions expressed herein are of that of Rep. Gaetz, the QAnon Cult, a certain twice-impeached reality-TV dipshit, and maybe Steve Bannon if Matt’s still blowing him. They do not necessarily reflect those of this outlet, its management, or ownership.… Continue reading Op-Ed: “My Genitals Are Microscopic and It’s All George Soros’ Fault!”