Boebert Wants an FDA Update on Approving Bleach Injection Boosters

Congressmoron Lauren Boebert (Q-CO) is an outspoken, devoted follower and gatekeeper of the MAGA political movement. In 2020, Ms. Boebert, who once gave patrons of her Colorado pro-gun themed restaurant diarrhea with tainted meat, ran a campaign built on white whine-rage that also helped put former reality-TV game show host Don Trump into the White… Continue reading Boebert Wants an FDA Update on Approving Bleach Injection Boosters

Ted Cruz Says He’ll Stand Under the Mistletoe With Trump If Ivanka Won’t

WASHINGTON, D.C. — During a weekly press conference held by Senate Republicans, Sen. Ted Cruz (Q-Cancun) was asked for his thoughts on whether former, one term, twice permanently impeached President Don Trump should run for his party’s nomination again in 2024. Cruz’s answer was as unsurprising as it was deferential to Trump. “I think he… Continue reading Ted Cruz Says He’ll Stand Under the Mistletoe With Trump If Ivanka Won’t

Biden Signs Presidential Declaration Stating “All Holidays Matter”

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In an official signing ceremony held in the Oval Office, President Joe Biden declared that for the next 365 days, “all holidays matter.” “Look here bub, I’m under direct orders by Lord Soros himself to attack Christmas like it’s never been attacked before. Not even when Barry Soetoro was in this very… Continue reading Biden Signs Presidential Declaration Stating “All Holidays Matter”

Jack Dorsey Leaving Twitter to Be a Billionaire Fuckface Somewhere Else, We Guess, Who Cares?

SWILLY CORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA — The tech world was rocked today by a surprise announcement from Jack Dorsey, announcing his resignation as Twitter CEO, effective immediately. Dorsey made the announcement public by sharing an internal email he sent to all Twitter employees making them aware of the news. Speculation started running rampant almost immediately as… Continue reading Jack Dorsey Leaving Twitter to Be a Billionaire Fuckface Somewhere Else, We Guess, Who Cares?

Fauci: “Cruz Has the Same Punchablefaceitis That Rand Paul’s Neighbor Diagnosed Him With”

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Sen. Ted Cruz and Sen. Rand Paul share something other than a membership to a political party that views counting votes as cheating. According to Dr. Anthony Fauci, both senators also suffer from the same medical malady. Fauci’s diagnosis of Cruz came after the Texas-by-Way-of-Harvard-by-Way-of-Canada Republican joined with Paul to attack the… Continue reading Fauci: “Cruz Has the Same Punchablefaceitis That Rand Paul’s Neighbor Diagnosed Him With”

Rittenhouse Offered to Shoot Someone on 5th Avenue for Trump During Their Mar-A-Lago Meeting

MAR-A-LAGO, FLORIDUH — Former, one term, tiny-donged, daughter lusting, twice forever impeached President Don Trump revealed recently that he and acquitted double-murderer Kyle Rittenhouse had a meeting at his Florida resort. Just days prior, Rittenhouse was acquitted on all charges against him stemming from protests that turned violent, in Kenosha last year. Citizens were protesting… Continue reading Rittenhouse Offered to Shoot Someone on 5th Avenue for Trump During Their Mar-A-Lago Meeting

Republican State Rep. Wants to ‘Defend Christmas’ by Outlawing ‘All Pagan Rituals and Holidays’

CORNHOLE, TEXAS — State Rep. Tom Thompaulsen (R-TX) filed paperwork in Texas this week, aiming to “outlaw any and all pagan rituals and holidays.” Thompaulsen’s intent, he told Steve Bannon during a taping of Bannon’s podcast, was to “protect and shield the Lord God’s holy birthday from cancelation by American progressives.” RITTENHOUSE’S MOTHER UNSURE WHETHER… Continue reading Republican State Rep. Wants to ‘Defend Christmas’ by Outlawing ‘All Pagan Rituals and Holidays’

Kyle Rittenhouse and George Zimmerman Will Headline “Bushmaster/Skittles White Hood Comedy Tour”

Recently acquitted murderer Kyle Rittenhouse will join fellow acquitted murderer George Zimmerman on what’s being billed as a “komedy kavalcade kriskrossing 88 cities throughout the Bible Belt,” beginning sometime early in 2022. “The Bushmaster/Skittles White Hood Comedy Tour will be the most fun you’ll have this side of a klan rally! If you’ve been to… Continue reading Kyle Rittenhouse and George Zimmerman Will Headline “Bushmaster/Skittles White Hood Comedy Tour”

Stephen Miller Encourages Trump Supporters to Boycott ‘Reverse Racist’ Black Friday

This week, millions of Americans will celebrate Thanksgiving. Some will embrace a traditional, more whitewashed version of the very first Thanksgiving, and others will keep the holiday while remembering that natives and pilgrims didn’t share a turkey and cranberry sauce in the 17th century. Once all the food has been eaten, and the dishes cleaned,… Continue reading Stephen Miller Encourages Trump Supporters to Boycott ‘Reverse Racist’ Black Friday