Spotify: Future Episodes of Joe Rogan Podcast Will Be Vetted by Dr. Alexander Jones

Streaming platform Spotify announced this afternoon that it was taking “immediate and swift action” in order to moderate the content of its highest-paid podcaster. The press release announcing the new content moderation process says it will “apply to all future episodes” of Joe Rogan’s podcast. “Spotify is pleased to announce that, after much consideration of… Continue reading Spotify: Future Episodes of Joe Rogan Podcast Will Be Vetted by Dr. Alexander Jones

Boebert: “The Free Market is Full of Commies Censoring Conservatives!”

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Speaking in the nation’s capital at a prayer breakfast held for small restaurant owners who have given the public diarrhea with their tainted meat, Congressmoron Lauren Bobert (Q-CO) lashed out at Americans who are terminating their Spotify Premium memberships and musicians who are abandoning the streaming content provider in protest of Joe… Continue reading Boebert: “The Free Market is Full of Commies Censoring Conservatives!”

Stupidfuck Promises to Pardon Dumbfucks Who Attempted Idiotic Coup on His Behalf

This weekend, a defeated former president and confirmed stupidfuck — who has yet to win the popular vote in any election he’s entered — stoked rage, spewed lies about losing last year’s presidential election, and edged his followers toward open political violence if he is indicted for several crimes he is alleged to have committed.… Continue reading Stupidfuck Promises to Pardon Dumbfucks Who Attempted Idiotic Coup on His Behalf

Cruz: Weak Biden Won’t Nominate Functioning Alcoholic Who Can’t Recall Their Attempted Rapes

WASHINGTON, D.C. — No matter who President Joe Biden selects to replace outgoing Justice Stephen Breyer, Sen. Ted Cruz has pledged to “fight tooth and booger” to derail their nomination. This morning, speaking on Fox News, Cruz outlined why he “stands diametrically opposed to any Woketopian extreme commie socialist liberal” that Biden puts forth. “It’s… Continue reading Cruz: Weak Biden Won’t Nominate Functioning Alcoholic Who Can’t Recall Their Attempted Rapes

Joe Rogan Will Re-Record Neil Young’s Catalogue, But Needs Mic Stand Lowered Four Feet First

CHEMTRAIL FALLS, TEXAS — Podcaster Joe Rogan has been asked to re-track the entire Neil Young catalogue of music by the streaming service that paid him millions of dollars to host his show. Rogan, who told his audience the news this morning, says that he is “pumped, psyched, and totally jacked as fuck” to get… Continue reading Joe Rogan Will Re-Record Neil Young’s Catalogue, But Needs Mic Stand Lowered Four Feet First

If We Can’t Fantasize Sexually About the Green M&M or Minnie Mouse, the Commies Already Won

The following editorial was written and submitted to The Political Garbage Chute by Congressman Matt Gaetz (Q-FL). The views and opinions expressed herein are those of Mr. Gaetz, his child bride, and a rabid cult of sad, ignorant morons with direct genetic links to the confederacy. They do not necessarily represent those of this outlet, its ownership,… Continue reading If We Can’t Fantasize Sexually About the Green M&M or Minnie Mouse, the Commies Already Won

Del Mar Racetrack Cancels MTG’s Stable Rental Due to Lack of Payment

DEL MAR, CALIFORNIA — Freshman Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene will no longer be able to rest her tired, cloven feet at the Del Mar Racetrack’s stable facility. This development comes after Del Mar informed Greene this week that she was “extremely delinquent” on her stable rental fees, and her contract was being terminated for lack… Continue reading Del Mar Racetrack Cancels MTG’s Stable Rental Due to Lack of Payment

Bipartisanship: Democrats Manchin & Sinema Eager to Block Democrats Replacing Justice Breyer

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Few things cause quite so much commotion in the nation’s capital as the selection of a new Supreme Court Justice. This morning, President Joe Biden got word that he would be given that opportunity this year. According to published reports, like the one from NPR below, Justice Stephen Breyer, a member of… Continue reading Bipartisanship: Democrats Manchin & Sinema Eager to Block Democrats Replacing Justice Breyer

Tucker Carlson Lands Exclusive Interview With Putin’s Taint

A visibly excited Tucker Carlson announced on Fox News this morning that he would be flying to Moscow this weekend for the purpose of conducting what he called the “most important and consequential interview” of his career. “Brian, let me tell you something. I sound and look so excited, and I have this burgeoning trouser… Continue reading Tucker Carlson Lands Exclusive Interview With Putin’s Taint

She Will Not Comply With Vaccine Mandates, Mask Mandates, or Basic Standards of Human Hygiene

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Freshman congressmare Marjorie Taylor Greene is, to put it bluntly, not a fan of either vaccination or masking mandates. Despite owning stock in companies that produce COVID-19 vaccines, Greene has railed against them and proudly claims to be unvaccinated herself. In her single term so far, Greene has racked up tens of… Continue reading She Will Not Comply With Vaccine Mandates, Mask Mandates, or Basic Standards of Human Hygiene