Greene Says She Identifies as ‘Madison Cawthorn But Without a Dong’

During a recent episode of Steve Bannon’s podcast, freshman Congressmare Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-GA) was asked for her feelings on the spate of laws passed or proposed in red states that seek to dramatically tamp down on transgender athletes’ access to competitions set aside for the gender they identify with. Perhaps unsurprisingly, Ms. Greene indicated… Continue reading Greene Says She Identifies as ‘Madison Cawthorn But Without a Dong’

Matt Gaetz is Boycotting Disney and Will Take His Prom Date to SeaWorld Instead

This week, Florida’s governor signed a controversial law onto the books that bars discussions of sexual orientation or identity in classrooms from kindergarten to third grade. The so-called “Don’t Say Gay” law also makes it illegal to have “age inappropriate” discussions at any grade level, though that clause is vague. In response to DeSantis signing… Continue reading Matt Gaetz is Boycotting Disney and Will Take His Prom Date to SeaWorld Instead

Eric Trump in Hospital With Nearly Melted Hands Because Tried to Destroy His Burner Phone

Recently, reports have surfaced that on January 6th, 2021, members of far right groups such as the Oath Keepers and Proud Boys were in contact with the Trump family and presidential administration officials using burner phones. Thus far, the Trumps have denied such allegations, however now that the least smart among them is in the… Continue reading Eric Trump in Hospital With Nearly Melted Hands Because Tried to Destroy His Burner Phone

I Attended an Orgy With Madison Cawthorn and Putin Really Seemed to Enjoy His Mouth

Allow me to say from the start that I understand it sounded pretty crazy and unrealistic when Rep. Madison Cawthorn (Q-NC) was recorded on video telling constituents and fundraisers that since he’s been in Washington, he’s been invited to cocaine-fueled orgies hosted by fellow Republicans. I know that because he didn’t name anybody specific, it… Continue reading I Attended an Orgy With Madison Cawthorn and Putin Really Seemed to Enjoy His Mouth

Lauren Boebert Successfully Donated Six Brain Cells to MTG and Still Has Six to Spare

Doctors in Colorado are marveling at the news that a congressional representative from their state successfully gave six brain cells to another member of Congress, lived to tell the tale, and still has roughly half her brain cells leftover. Today, the medical staff at Pine Tree Hospital announced that they helped freshman Rep. Lauren Boebert… Continue reading Lauren Boebert Successfully Donated Six Brain Cells to MTG and Still Has Six to Spare

Cruz Says He Helped Plan Eastman’s Coup Because “Someone Laced Trump’s Taint With Roofies”

Yesterday, a federal judge ruled that Trump loyalist and lawyer John Eastman could not shield over 100 email communications he had with the White House during the time between the November 2020 election and January 6th, 2021. Eastman had claimed that the emails were covered under executive privilege, and the judge in the case essentially… Continue reading Cruz Says He Helped Plan Eastman’s Coup Because “Someone Laced Trump’s Taint With Roofies”

Study of Mitch McConnell’s DNA Might Prove Existence of Racist Sperm

The National Research Labs of America published results of a new study this week that could, after peer review, disprove one of the longest held notions about the phenomenon of human racism. Dr. Benson Hornaydieux, Chief Executive Officer and lead researcher for the NRLA addressed the report’s published findings during a recent virtual announcement, held… Continue reading Study of Mitch McConnell’s DNA Might Prove Existence of Racist Sperm

A Second Grader Asked DeSantis Where Babies Come From. He Had Her Arrested.

This morning, while visiting an elementary school in Northern Florida, Gov. Ron DeSantis (Q) was asked by a precocious, some would even say adorable second grader. The young girl walked up to the governor and tugged at his jacket. DeSantis turned around and regarded the second grader with a smile. “Governor DeSantis, where do babies… Continue reading A Second Grader Asked DeSantis Where Babies Come From. He Had Her Arrested.

Texts Reveal Ginni Thomas Helped Meadows Steal Election and Get Trump’s McDonald’s Order

CBS News and┬áThe Washington Post┬ábroke the news last night that the wife of a sitting Supreme Court Justice was texting with former White House Chief of Staff Mark Meadows in the weeks following the 2020 election, and that the subject of the text messages was keeping defeated former President Donald Trump in office unconstitutionally. However,… Continue reading Texts Reveal Ginni Thomas Helped Meadows Steal Election and Get Trump’s McDonald’s Order

Ted Cruz Wants to Know Whether He Can Identify as a Man If He Gets His Balls Back From Trump

If his recent actions are to be taken at face value, it would appear that Sen. Ted Cruz (Q-Cancun) may be going through a time of inner-reflection and self-discovery, and that his introspection may have led him to question his own gender identity. Twice now in the last few days Cruz has publicly asked questions… Continue reading Ted Cruz Wants to Know Whether He Can Identify as a Man If He Gets His Balls Back From Trump