Disney World’s “Mr. Chode’s Fascist Wild Ride” Takes Riders Through Florida Under DeSantis

Guests arriving at Walt Disney World’s Magic Kingdom park today were greeted with some rather exciting news — they could be among the first guests to experience a new attraction. According to a press release provided by Disney, “Mr. Chode’s Fascist Wild Ride” endeavors to give riders a “unique and authentic simulation” of what it’s… Continue reading Disney World’s “Mr. Chode’s Fascist Wild Ride” Takes Riders Through Florida Under DeSantis

Cawthorn Says His Stock Tips Come From The Ladies Whose Tits Bear The Cocaine He Snorts

With pressure mounting even from within his own party — such as a sitting U.S. Senator from his home state — to investigate allegations he participated in insider trading, freshman Congressman Madison Cawthorn (Q-NC) denied such allegations. Rep. Cawthorn did not deny, however, that he does get help picking stocks to trade, but said that… Continue reading Cawthorn Says His Stock Tips Come From The Ladies Whose Tits Bear The Cocaine He Snorts

Musk: “We’ll Let You Say What You Want on Twitter as Long As It’s Not About Me or My Companies”

Elon Musk does not officially own Twitter, not yet anyway. The Twitter board did accept his offer to buyout the social media behemoth last week, but the deal will still need to get passed regulators. Musk is also not permitted to disparage Twitter at all during the due diligence and regulatory approval timeframe. As the… Continue reading Musk: “We’ll Let You Say What You Want on Twitter as Long As It’s Not About Me or My Companies”

Rapist Looking to Settle Down and Start a Family Grateful for Florida’s New Abortion Ban

He’s known for a little while that he’s ready to settle down and start a family. At 32 years of age, Chad Palumbo says he’s done sewing his wild oats, and wants to have some kids. For most self-described rapists, that would be an enormously tall order. However, because Chad lives in Florida, and his… Continue reading Rapist Looking to Settle Down and Start a Family Grateful for Florida’s New Abortion Ban

Musk Bought Twitter a Day Ago and My “@AmericasFirstReichPatriot” Account Still Isn’t Active!

Ummmmmmmmmmmm. What the actual, literal, perpetual fuck is going on over at Twitter? Elon Musk’s offer to buy it was accepted more than a day ago, and my old account, which was banned under the previous Leftist Woketopian Twitter Regime, has yet to be reactivated! If @AmericasFirstReichPatriot doesn’t get reinstated by the end of the… Continue reading Musk Bought Twitter a Day Ago and My “@AmericasFirstReichPatriot” Account Still Isn’t Active!

Disney Junior Producing Show to Teach Kids How to Identify Fascists Pretending to Be Christians

The Walt Disney Company announced via a shareholder teleconference this morning several new shows that will debut in the coming weeks and months across the entertainment monolith’s network. One show, though, might make a certain resident of a certain governor’s mansion in a certain state shaped like a certain floppy genital organ unnerved. Disney’s Assistant… Continue reading Disney Junior Producing Show to Teach Kids How to Identify Fascists Pretending to Be Christians

Of Course Elon Will Let You Call Him a Pedo on Twitter Once He Buys It. He Loves Free Speech.

The following is an editorial submitted by Chad Schittsworth, a senior fellow at the Dicking Institute, a conservative think tank dedicated to “Three F’s of Conservatism: Freedom, Faith, and Fascism.” The views and opinions expressed are those of Mr. Schittsworth, and not necessarily those of this outlet, its ownership, or staff. If you were to… Continue reading Of Course Elon Will Let You Call Him a Pedo on Twitter Once He Buys It. He Loves Free Speech.

Greene Can’t Recall What She Said She Can’t Recall About What She Said Five Minutes Ago

Last week, Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-GA) took the witness stand in the first hearing to determine her eligibility to seek re-election. Greene’s candidacy has been challenged by a group of voters in her own district, on grounds that she participated in an insurrection, which is barred by the Constitution’s 14th Amendment. The first hearing… Continue reading Greene Can’t Recall What She Said She Can’t Recall About What She Said Five Minutes Ago

CNN+’s Failure Proves Liberalism is in Decline, and That’s What I’ll Post on Truth Social

The following editorial was submitted by State Rep. Tom Thompaulsen (Q). Thompaulsen is a Republican elected official from a red state, and the views and opinions expressed herein are those of Rep. Thompaulsen, and only those of Rep. Thompaulsen. They do not necessarily reflect those of this outlet, its ownership, or staff. CNN+ is dead,… Continue reading CNN+’s Failure Proves Liberalism is in Decline, and That’s What I’ll Post on Truth Social

DeSantis Accuses God of Being ‘Reverse Racist’ Because There Aren’t White People in the Bible

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis (Q) has not indicated one way or the other whether he intends to seek his party’s presidential nomination in 2024, but if the world were to be asked to judge by his actions, it would certainly seem he’s trying to position himself as the most conservative elected official in the country.… Continue reading DeSantis Accuses God of Being ‘Reverse Racist’ Because There Aren’t White People in the Bible