349 to 40: On Being Late to Things


So, I was supposed to publish this one yesterday.  I couldn’t though. I just really, really couldn’t. It was Halloween yesterday which means the time I’d normally have set aside for this series was taken up by the duties of trick or treating and such. And so…I’m late to posting it.

There’s literally not going to be anything else to this, though. Seriously. I’m late publishing it. And I promised myself one a day until I’m 40, which I’ve kinda already fucked up on, because of Halloween. So I blame that. And the month of October. And, um, I don’t know…something else. Definitely not my procrastination or something weird like that. It’s most definitely Halloween’s fault.

But you know what they say, “Better late than never.” 

Is that true? Sure. At least in terms of a lot of things. Better to win the lottery later in life than never at all, right? Better to find a rare baseball card worth a badillion dollars in your sock drawer a few weeks after you told your friends you had it, then never at all right? Sure, that’s a very specific example, and probably not even a very funny one…but when you’re technically a day late on publishing a piece, you tend to cut corners and make sacrifices. One of my sacrifices today is giving too many shits about the jokes in this one.

I’m just playing catch-up here. I know that, you know that. Why hide it? Why care too much?

Why do we put so much stock and care in being “late” to things at any rate? Sure, we want to respect each other and each other’s precious, finite time. But ultimately, who cares? Everything we do as humans is just made-up, free-form jazz living. Rules, laws, all of it…made up. We’re improvising as we go! So who cares if someone’s a little late? Well, banks care. Holy shit do banks care if you’re late. They can be late making your funds available, of course, but don’t ever think of doing the reverse.

But other than banks — why do we care what’s late or isn’t? Since time is an invention of humankind, does it really, truly matter? My guess is probably not.

So yeah…this one is late. But it’s still here. And that’s something, I think.

Catch up on the rest of the year’s entries HERE.

Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.


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