With August 13th Rapidly Approaching, Biden Still President for Next Four Years

In a matter of just hours, the calendar pages will turn, and it will be August 13th, 2021. Many have predicted, if not outright assured the American public, that former, one-term, twice forever impeached President Donald John Trump will be triumphantly restored to his throne that day.

However, according to things such as “facts,” and “The Constitution,” the likelihood of that scenario playing out is roughly equal to the chances of Trump opening a business and not bankrupting it. Mike Lindell, CEO of MyPillow and the recently formed MyCrackPipe, seems unphased by the intrusion of reality into his delusions, however, and recently held a “cyber symposium” in which he continued to profess his belief that Trump was cheated, despite having nothing sentient humans consider evidence to back those claims up.


We reached out to several Constitutional scholars, and none of them could point to any clause, passage, or inferred right within the country’s founding document to allow for a former president to come back into office, no matter how hurt their feelings may be. We also reached out to Freshman Congresshorse Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-GA), who claimed that the Constitution “doesn’t get to dethrone our MAGA king,” and that she believes in the next forty-eight hours, Trump will return to power.

“Now, you can say I smoke crack. And you can say that crack makes me say and think and do stupid shit,” Greene said, “and all of that would be true. But that does all that mean Trump absolutely can’t be put back in power? I didn’t think so. Oh, hey, look over there, something shiny!”

Greene then hung up the phone. The White House told us via a spokesperson that President Biden plans to “finish out his term or terms,” but if he changes his mind, he’ll “let America know.”


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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.