WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a development sure to cause panic and consternation among American right-wingers, President Joe Biden reportedly wants his Education Department to contract with Antifa, Inc. to develop new cancel culture curriculum for the nation’s schools.
A source close to the president’s thinking on the subject tells us Biden is keen to have cancel culture infused into the lesson plans being taught to kids as schools reopen after the covid-19 pandemic kept many in lockdown mode for over a year. Reportedly, Biden was asked to implement cancel culture education by none other than George Soros and Barack Obama, personally, during a lengthy telephone call last month. Biden agreed with Soros and Obama that bringing down America from within starts with teaching kids how to cancel everything and anything that offends them.
RELATED: Leaked Access Hollywood Tape Shows Pepé Le Pew Insisting Women Let Him Do Anything Because He’s a Star
“Clearly, as a proud Libtarded American, President Biden understands the most important challenge facing kids today is knowing when, where, why, and how to cancel a plastic toy potato’s genitals,” our source tell us, “or if they should cancel racist or rapey cartoon characters.”
Our source describes Biden as being “fully bought into” the notion that young kids must be “fully and completely indoctrinated into the Libtarded Way.”
“This is all liberals think about — cancel culture. Hell, we’re trying to cancel the Second Amendment, football, and Jesus Christ as we speak,” our source confirmed. “We may try to hide it, but believe it not, people like Alex Jones, Dan Bongino, and Glenn Beck are the smart ones in the room, and they’re onto all our nefarious plans.”
President Biden wants Antifa, Inc. to handle the curriculum and indoctrination materials because he believes they have the financing, talent, and motivation to develop the curriculum.
“Bob Antifa has been a longtime comrade of the president’s, going all the way back to when Antifa used cancel culture to shrink former President Trump’s hands, IQ, and genitals,” our source acknowledged. “Antifa Inc. worked with Obama to develop special kinds of Sharia Socialist Voodoo that can penetrate a young mind and make them believe in things like fairness, accountability, and smashing the patriarchy and systemic racism.”
The Education Department could not be reached for comment.
If you want my satire completely ad-free, just sign up for my Patreon at any level.
Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.