Republican Unsure If “The Big Lie” is Stolen Elections, Trickle Down Economics, or Iraq’s WMDs

MENDA CITY, IOWA — Everybody on the news keeps talking about “The Big Lie,” and 53-year-old Republican Scott Palumbo is a little confused by that.

“Are they talking about the whole stolen election thing? Because how can that be a lie,” Scott asked us when we interviewed him this weekend, “just because nobody presented any evidence of it in more than five dozen court cases? Technically they DID steal it from Trump by counting all the votes. Everyone knows that you should only count votes against someone as long as the total doesn’t hurt their very delicate, fragile feelings.”

MORE: MICHAEL FLYNN CAN RECITE THE PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE IN RUSSIAN WITHOUT DIFFICULTY

Perhaps, though, Palumbo postulated, “The Big Lie” refers to something else.

“I guess it’s possible the Big Lie could be the whole Trickle Down Economics thing,” Palumbo suggested. “It’s not like after more than forty years we’ve seen any evidence that lower taxes on the wealthy mean anything for the poor. So maybe that’s it?”

Then again, as Scott thought about it some more, “The Big Lie” might also refer to something else, such as the weapons of mass destruction program Iraq was allegedly running before the Bush administration went to war there. For many years, that was the “biggest lie our side had told,” Scott said, referring to he and his fellow Republicans. Perhaps that means it’s still “The Big Lie” in the current setting.

“I’m just not really sure, to be totally frank with you. Jeez, it’s gettin’ kinda hard to keep our lies straight, and they keep getting bigger and bigger,” Scott said, “so when someone talks about The Big Lie, well, I get kinda turned around.”

Just as we were closing our interview with Scott, he had yet another idea as to what “The Big Lie” might be.

“Oh crap! I forgot, it’s all about Trump. They keep calling it Trump’s ‘Big Lie,'” Palumbo remembered. “So I guess The Big Lie could just be that Donald Trump is good at business, or has a normal shaped and sized dong-wanger. Man…this is really quite the mystery!”

MORE: TED CRUZ FELL ASLEEP DURING BIDEN’S SPEECH AND HAD A NIGHTMARE THAT PEOPLE ACTUALLY LIKE HIM

Become a Patron!

Follow James on Instagram.
Subscribe to James’ Patreon for ad-free satire.


 

Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.