I Hope 40 Years Of “Justice Drunky McTrynrape” Is The Legacy Brett Kavanaugh Wants


I would to be able to say that we live in a time where a slew of credible allegations of sexual assault bordering on actual rape would disqualify anybody from any political  partyfrom getting a lifetime appointment.

I can’t say that though, can I? In fact, chances are that unless Jeff Flake, or Lisa Murkowski, or Susan Collins do the amazing and grow spines between now and the vote, Brett “Should Attempted Rape REALLY Be A Crime?” Kavanaugh will be one super powerful, super rapey sack of shit.

The gut wrenching, earnest, and sincere testimony from Dr. Christine Blasey Ford — that she was sexually assaulted by Judge Brett Kavanaugh — will, likely, mean nothing in terms of halting Kavanaugh’s confirmation to the Supreme Court. Whether thinking, rational, empathetic human beings agree with it or not, the man who provably lied under oath, repeatedly, to the Senate Judiciary Committee, is going to be a Supreme Court Justice. With Jeff Flake’s for-show-only FBI investigation-in-name-only wrapped up, and as he and Senator Susan Collins show they’ve once again lost their courage, it would appear that within a matter of hours, Kavanaugh will be confirmed.

I just hope that he’s cool with me and everyone else who isn’t a mouth-breathing, low-information sack of stupid shit calling him “Justice Drunky McTrynrape” for the rest of his natural born life; because that is 100% what I intend to do.

The thing is — I was barely born when the attack that Ford alleges took place would have happened. I wasn’t there, obviously. So I have no real clue if Brett did try to have his way with Ms. Ford. What I do know, without a shadow of a doubt, is Brett’s smug, shit eating grin. Every man is capable of it when he thinks he’s getting away with something. Han Solo is, no secret to most people reading this, my favorite fictional character of all time, and he had one of the best smug grins ever…always right before he fucked up.

If Drunky McTrynrape will casually lie about what “Devil’s Triangle,” “boofing,” and “FFF” mean, he’d be absolutely willing to lie about trivial stuff like, oh, say, attempted rape.

That’s why operating under the guise that he is indeed a sexual predator, or was at some point, is acceptable to me. The mountain of circumstantial evidence points to Brett having had a major problem with boozing and keeping his dick to himself, and that Republicans have rushed him through a very shoddy investigation to secure a conservative majority on the Supreme Court. I think that’s a far worse crime against the republic than me calling him Drunky McTrynrape.

I enjoy that Republicans think Kavanaugh is a sympathetic figure, though.

It’s obvious that he’s every bad guy in every John Hughes film. Seriously. Go pick a John Hughes film, particularly Pretty in Pink. Watch James Spader’s character closely. You’re seeing what Bart O’Kavanaugh was, front and center. And I chose to use “what” instead of “who” for a reason. Republicans playing their sympathetic violins for Brett are rooting for the bad guy, and that’s why they have no idea how reviled and hated that douchebag is going to be for as long as he holds onto that seat.

Every single opinion that comes out of the Supreme Court with that lecherous sack of ass’s name on it will result in us screaming about Republican Party being so scared of a more tolerant, less white America that they rushed a serial sexual abuser onto the bench. Every single opinion he writes will have a taint, and not the kind he tried to rub on girls that wanted nothing to do with him. I’ll end this little ranty thing with one thought to maybe hang our hats on.

The free press is still a thing, and they will keep digging and digging. This outcome will only make the allegations even more profitable to cover for media outlets. Brett’s going to have a bad next few decades.

I hope 40 years of “Justice Drunky McTrynrape” is the legacy Brett Kavanaugh wants, because exactly what it’s going to be. 

James‘ satire is found on: The Political Garbage Chute; HuffPostAlternative Science, Alternative Facts, Not Really.NewsThe Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts, and Modern Liberals


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