Saturday, January 23, 2021

351 to 40: I Will Be Binge Watching Content For at Minimum 30 Years...

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I just can't keep up. I really can't. I can't watch everything. It's not even that I really want to watch everything; it's that there's so much I want to watch. So in truth, I guess what I'm...

352 to 40: How Can I Go Forward Into Something I’m Not Sure Of,...

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How can I go forward when I don't know which way I'm facing How can I go forward when I don't know which way to turn How can I go forward into something I'm not sure...

353 to 40: Sometimes You Just Need a Day to Sit and Do Nothing

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So I did nothing. Hope you get a chance to do nothing too, at some point. I'll have more to say about something, I'm sure, tomorrow. But it was a late night, and since my...

354 to 40: Raise Your Hand If You Only Exist Because Two Random Strangers...

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Raise your hand if you only exist because two random strangers wanted to fuck.  I see you, Billy. I see you, Sherry. I see you, Katie. I see you...pretty much all of the  seven-plus billion...

355 to 40: Felicity Huffman’s Jail Sentence and Other Clues We Jail Way Too...

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The title of this piece isn't supposed to infer that I'm somehow okay with what Felicity Huffman did. The entitled, rich, elite in life always get away with doing shit the rest of us can't,...

356 to 40: I Don’t Think WalMart Wants You To Actually Buy Anything At...

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Have you tried to buy anything at WalMart recently? I know we hardcore left-wing commie pinko liberals aren't supposed to shop there because they're pretty evil to their employees, but the fact remains that I'm...

357 to 40: I Satirized Mark Zuckerberg and Now Sacha Baron Cohen Follows Me...

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I swear to god, I am not in any way, shape, or form humblebragging and/or name dropping right now. In fact, I'm still kind of shocked and out of sorts about it all. Last night,...

358 to 40: Instead of “Dropping the Kids Off at the Pool,” Let’s Say...

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Have you ever had to take a shit? Chances are, if you're a carbon based lifeform living on Earth, you answered, "Hell yes, James, I have to take a shit often. Because shitting is a...

359 to 40: Star Wars Trailers Always Look Great, No Matter How Bad the...

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I'm not completely sure if it's my very earliest memory or not, but it sure feels like it. I can remember walking with my mom through the parking lot of the movie theater. I specifically remember the...

360 to 40: Choosing My Midlife Crisis

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I realized today that I'm going to have to choose my midlife crisis in about 360 days. As far as I've been made aware, when a male turns 40 you're issued a few new...