Karen Surrenders Control of Her Vagina and Joins Women for Trump

VALLE MUJERES AUTODESTRUCTIVAS, CALIFORNIA — When President Trump’s daughter-in-law Lara launched “Women for Trump,” many might have laughed and thought it a wasted effort. Though white women as a bloc certainly helped propel him to victory in 2016, the exit polling data from the 2018 midterm elections showed that he lost quite a considerable amount… Continue reading Karen Surrenders Control of Her Vagina and Joins Women for Trump

Trump Says He Regrets Every Abortion He Paid For and Not Paying For Don Jr’s

WASHINGTON, D.C. — This weekend, President Donald Trump spoke at CPAC — the Conservative Political Action Conference — and gave a long-winded, rambling, often times off-script and freewheeling speech that lasted two full hours. CPAC is billed as the largest gathering of conservatives — a sort of ComicCon for people who would prefer it if… Continue reading Trump Says He Regrets Every Abortion He Paid For and Not Paying For Don Jr’s

Georgia Newborn Charged With Murder for Absorbing Her Twin Before Birth

RIO CHINGADEROS LOCOS, GEORGIA — Authorities in a small Georgia town are reporting that they have a single newborn baby in custody, awaiting arraignment on murder charges. Because the suspect is a minor, their name is being withheld, but we do know the alleged killer was born female. “This morning we took a young newborn… Continue reading Georgia Newborn Charged With Murder for Absorbing Her Twin Before Birth

Tennessee Pro-Life Republicans Want to Outlaw All Sex

THEOCRACY MOUNTAIN, TENNESSEE — In the state of Tennessee, pro-life forces are growing tired of other red states getting all the press and headlines about their abortion bans, and Republican lawmakers in the state believe they may have found a way to trump all the others. In recent weeks, abortion bans in Alabama, Missouri, Georgia,… Continue reading Tennessee Pro-Life Republicans Want to Outlaw All Sex

Study Shows 100% of Abortions Still None of Your F**king Business

Several red states are in various stages of implementing sweeping abortion bans aimed squarely at eventually toppling the 1973 landmark Roe vs. Wade Supreme Court decision that affirmed the right of all women in the country to terminate their pregnancy before the point of medical viability for the fetus, or fetuses. Laws in Alabama, Missouri, Ohio, and… Continue reading Study Shows 100% of Abortions Still None of Your F**king Business

Man Who Can’t Find Woman Willing To Sleep With Him Gives Opinions on Abortion Anyway

COUSIN LOVERS, MISSOURI — Jason Hubbard is a described “free market capitalist” with a Masters in economics. He is also a self-described conservative, and he also rates his chances of having sexual intercourse with a woman at “roughly not a chance in hell” because in his words, “women are really turned off by someone as… Continue reading Man Who Can’t Find Woman Willing To Sleep With Him Gives Opinions on Abortion Anyway

Georgia Man Picks Out Burial Plot for Old Gym Sock

ENFANT MARI√ČE PEAK, GEORGIA — Skeeter McCoy was spotted at the Eternal Gardens mortuary, funeral home, and cemetery today.  What brought McCoy to the cemetery, however, was not anything he was expecting to have to take care of last week. However, by the time Republicans in the Georgia state legislature had passed their sweeping new abortion… Continue reading Georgia Man Picks Out Burial Plot for Old Gym Sock