Rand Paul Self-Certifies as Lawyer, Says Nothing Wrong With Wife’s Stock Trade

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Senator Doctor Rand Paul (Q-KY) and his wife might have been in some serious hot water over allegations of insider trading, but ever the strategic thinker, Sen. Paul appears to have found a way to avoid any consequences. This week, news broke that Paul’s wife bought stock in the company that makes… Continue reading Rand Paul Self-Certifies as Lawyer, Says Nothing Wrong With Wife’s Stock Trade

Mike Lindell Starts “MyCrackPipe”

LAKE AMPHETAMINE, MINNESOTA — During a press conference held from his own basement this morning, American entrepreneur Mike Lindell didn’t just claim, without any evidence, that President Donald Trump would be restored to the presidency in August, which given his erratic behavior since last November might not be all that newsworthy. Mr. Lindell also used… Continue reading Mike Lindell Starts “MyCrackPipe”

Don Jr: ‘Patriots’ Will Stop Taking Unemployment and Get a Job Where They Need Welfare to Survive

During an appearance on Sean Hannity’s daily klan rally on the radio, former President Donald Trump’s third smartest son implied that people still taking unemployment insurance payments despite being vaccinated against COVID-19 “hate America” and are not “patriots.” “Sean, if there’s one thing I know, it’s that cocaine cannot and will not make my dad… Continue reading Don Jr: ‘Patriots’ Will Stop Taking Unemployment and Get a Job Where They Need Welfare to Survive

Why Are People More Willing to Collect Unemployment Than The Slave Wages My Company Offers?

Editor’s Note: The following was written by entrepreneur and NRN contributor Dustin Pewpson. The views and opinions expressed by Mr. Pewpson are his own, and do not necessarily reflect those of this outlet, its staff, or ownership. Clearly President Joe Biden’s lowkey, under-the-radar plan to make Americans die from socialism is well underway. How do… Continue reading Why Are People More Willing to Collect Unemployment Than The Slave Wages My Company Offers?

Devastated Underage Dominican Prostitutes Left Out Of Limbaugh’s Will

SANTO DOMINGO, DOMINICAN REPUBLIC — In a shocking blow to the country, it is rumored that Rush Limbaugh’s will left out his favorite Dominican past time: Underage prostitutes. Victoria Smelling, a leading black market travel agent, had been dealing with Limbaugh for a number of years. MORE: Florida Drug Dealer Faces Financial Hardships “I had… Continue reading Devastated Underage Dominican Prostitutes Left Out Of Limbaugh’s Will

Florida Drug Dealer Faces Financial Hardships

PALM BEACH, FLORIDA — Ronald Crabtree, a low level Oxycontin street dealer, sits in a second hand LazyBoy recliner, shuffling through a Rolodex. “This one here.  I’ve got stories about him,” Crabtree tells us. ” Lets just say this guy was a fan of the booger sugar.  Man, it was like dealing to Scarface.” MORE:… Continue reading Florida Drug Dealer Faces Financial Hardships

Rich Guy Taking Six Figure Paycheck From Taxpayers Wonders If Taxpayers Need More Stimulus

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Sen. Ron Penis (Q-WI) told his colleagues on both sides of the aisle today that he’s not sure anybody in America needs another stimulus payment from the U.S. government. Citing the current level of the U.S. national debt, Sen. Penis insisted that the relief packages passed during the previous administration have been… Continue reading Rich Guy Taking Six Figure Paycheck From Taxpayers Wonders If Taxpayers Need More Stimulus

Robinhood Files Paperwork to Change Its Name to “SheriffofNottingham.”

SWILLY CORN, VALLEY — Online brokerage trader Robinhood filed emergency paperwork with the Securities and Exchange Commission today, requesting an immediate change of their registered corporate name. The SEC is expected to approve the paperwork in short order, according to several sources with knowledge of the situation. “At the behest of our executive board, the… Continue reading Robinhood Files Paperwork to Change Its Name to “SheriffofNottingham.”

Closest McDonald’s Franchise to the White House Files Bankruptcy

CAPITOL HILL —  McDonald’s general manager, Richard Reid, says with the former president leaving the White House, the restaurants future looks bleak. “He was our number one customer,” Reid states. “Between honoring world class athletes with thousands of dollars worth of Big Macs, or his daily dozen McMuffin breakfast, to his traditional weekly Sunday supper,… Continue reading Closest McDonald’s Franchise to the White House Files Bankruptcy