Trump Not Sure What to Say If He’s Asked Under Oath Whether He Loves Don Jr.

According to sources within the Trump family, defeated and twice permanently impeached President Donald J. Trump is feeling nervous about a New York judge ordering that he and two of his crotch fruit sit for depositions within the next three weeks. Since leaving office last year, a steady stream of financial and legal troubles for… Continue reading Trump Not Sure What to Say If He’s Asked Under Oath Whether He Loves Don Jr.

Ivanka’s ‘Getting Used to Having Daddy’s Subpoenas’ Waved In Her Face

NEW YORK, NEW YORK — The New York Attorney General has issued subpoenas to two of former one-term, twice forever impeached President Don Trump’s children in connection to their investigation of the Trump Organization. Despite the fact that getting a court summons and a demand to appear might be off-putting for some, former First Lady… Continue reading Ivanka’s ‘Getting Used to Having Daddy’s Subpoenas’ Waved In Her Face

Taliban Try to Lure Women Away From Texas With Less Restrictive Laws

KABUL, AFGHANISTAN — The Taliban are a far-right, deeply religiously fanatical group of people willing to use the threat of violence to cow their country’s populace into submitting to their theocratic rule. In many ways, sources say, they believe these facts perfectly position their organization to poach away American women from the United States, namely… Continue reading Taliban Try to Lure Women Away From Texas With Less Restrictive Laws

Conservatives Want Fauci Arrested for Changing His Views on Masks After Seeing New Data

This week, Buzzfeed and CNN published a trove of Dr. Anthony Fauci’s emails thanks to Freedom of Information Act requests, and while many Americans may not bat an eyelash at what they contain, many who consider themselves politically right-wing are demanding action. “I want Fauci arrested. Do you hear me?! Arrested,” Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene… Continue reading Conservatives Want Fauci Arrested for Changing His Views on Masks After Seeing New Data

Report: Biden Open to Adding Four Supreme Court Seats to Bench

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Though he publicly continues to dodge the question and play coy, sources within the White House are telling media outlets that President Joe Biden is very interested in expanding the size of the Supreme Court, has already thought of a number of justices he’d like to add, and even has his first… Continue reading Report: Biden Open to Adding Four Supreme Court Seats to Bench

Hillary Clinton’s Been Circling Matt Gaetz Home and Shouting ‘Lock Him Up!’

LAKE EPSTEIN, FLORIDA — Qongressman Matt Gaetz may be in for a rough time over the next several weeks, months, or years, and regardless of how his impending legal morass plays out, it appears that some of those who have been his political targets in the past are relishing his potential comeuppance. “LOCK HIM UP!… Continue reading Hillary Clinton’s Been Circling Matt Gaetz Home and Shouting ‘Lock Him Up!’

Issa Wants to Investigate Why Liberals Canceled Mr. Potato Head’s Penis to Cover Up Benghazi

WASHINGTON, D.C. — During most of the Obama administration, there was one man who was dedicated to making sure very burp, fart, and sneeze reported from the White House was investigated for corruption and criminal activity. That man’s name was Rep. Darrell “I Like Fire” Issa (Q-CA), and he was the chairman of the House… Continue reading Issa Wants to Investigate Why Liberals Canceled Mr. Potato Head’s Penis to Cover Up Benghazi

My President Inspired an Insurrection and All I Got Were These Lousy Ankle Monitors

The following editorial was written by right-wing commentator Dustin Pewpson. Mr. Pewpson was present at the insurrection at the capitol on January 6th, 2021 and is currently facing several federal charges related to that event. The views and opinions of Mr. Pewpson do not necessarily reflect those of this publication, its ownership, or management. Well…this… Continue reading My President Inspired an Insurrection and All I Got Were These Lousy Ankle Monitors

“But I’m For Law and Order!” Shouts the Cultist Being Arrested for Their Attempted Coup

FT. DUMFUK, TENNESSEE — “But I’m for law and order! Don’t you hear me? I back the blue! Why are you doing this to me?! I’m a PATRIOT!” The shouts echoed throughout 47 year old Burt Thompson’s neighborhood as FBI agents placed him under arrest. Thompson is now one of dozens of Americans who have been… Continue reading “But I’m For Law and Order!” Shouts the Cultist Being Arrested for Their Attempted Coup

Roger Stone Shows Off New Trump Tramp Stamp Prison Tattoo

MILHOUSE, FLORIDA — Just outside a diner about fifteen minutes from his home, Roger Stone was stopped and asked by reporters this morning how he’s feeling. In 2019, Stone was arrested in connection to FBI Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s investigation into Russian interference on behalf of President Donald Trump during the 2016 election. Stone was… Continue reading Roger Stone Shows Off New Trump Tramp Stamp Prison Tattoo