Overturning Roe Doesn’t Go Far Enough. Sperm Must Be Given Full Citizenship.

The following editorial was written by Will Riccilumbo, a Fox News contributing editor and 2020’s Shitdick Magazine “Shitdick of The Year.” The views and opinions expressed herein are those of Mr. Riccilumbo, and not necessarily those of this outlet, its management, or staff. For all the handwringing the left is doing about losing Roe Vs Wade… Continue reading Overturning Roe Doesn’t Go Far Enough. Sperm Must Be Given Full Citizenship.

We Have Our First Black Female Supreme Court Justice, But When Will It Be a White Man’s Turn?

The following editorial was submitted to this outlet by Dick Richardson, a conservative podcaster. The views and opinions expressed herein are those of Mr. Richardson, and do not necessarily reflect those of this outlet, its ownership, or staff.  While the American Left celebrates the confirmation of Supreme Court Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson, I can’t help… Continue reading We Have Our First Black Female Supreme Court Justice, But When Will It Be a White Man’s Turn?

Op-Ed: We Need to Leave Our Confederate Statues in Place, But Never Talk About Why They Exist

The following editorial was written and submitted by Floriduh Governor Ron DeSantis (Q). The views and opinions expressed herein are those of Gov. DeSantis, and not necessarily those of this outlet, its ownership, or staff. As Governor of America’s Dong State, I know one thing for certain, and that’s what threatens the safety and security… Continue reading Op-Ed: We Need to Leave Our Confederate Statues in Place, But Never Talk About Why They Exist

Maybe If Real Women Would Talk to Me, I Wouldn’t Get So Worked Up Over Cartoon Ones

The following editorial was submitted to Alternative Facts by William Terwilliger Jones, a popular Bible Belt podcaster. Mr. Terwilliger Jones is the host of “Christ-y White Shit,” a podcast that discusses modern American Christianity through a lens of pro-Trump white nationalism. The views and opinions expressed below are solely his, and do not necessarily reflect those of… Continue reading Maybe If Real Women Would Talk to Me, I Wouldn’t Get So Worked Up Over Cartoon Ones

Op-Ed: How Come I Drank Gallons of Trump’s Pee and Still Got COVID?

The following editorial was written and submitted by Congressman Matt Gaetz (Q-FL). The views and opinions expressed below are solely his, and not those of this outlet, its staff, or ownership. This is the day that the Lord (President Don Trump) has made! I will be glad and rejoice in it! Why, you ask me?… Continue reading Op-Ed: How Come I Drank Gallons of Trump’s Pee and Still Got COVID?

Dear Libs: Stop Shaming Morons Who Take Livestock Drugs Instead of a Free Vaccine

The following editorial was written by conservative talk radio host Dustin Pewpson. The views and expressed herein are not necessarily those of this outlet, its ownership, or staff. You can listen to Mr. Pewpson every afternoon from 1-3pm on WKKK-AM in Dicksberg, Tennessee. Let me make one thing very clear from the outset — people… Continue reading Dear Libs: Stop Shaming Morons Who Take Livestock Drugs Instead of a Free Vaccine

I Got My Vaccine, But I Support Your Right to Be a Moron and Not Get Yours

The following editorial was written by Editor in Chief and leading contributing fuckwit, James Schlarmann.  Beginning in March of last year, my family and I implemented every single health and safety protocol the CDC and WHO recommended in order to protect ourselves from the Democrat Hoax, oh excuse me, the novel coronavirus also known as… Continue reading I Got My Vaccine, But I Support Your Right to Be a Moron and Not Get Yours

No YOU’RE Doing Too Much Coke Worrying About Whether You and Dad Will Be Indicted Next

The following editorial was written by Donald Trump Jr, the second most intelligent man named “Donald Trump.” Mr. Trump Jr. is an Executive Vice-President of the Trump Organization, which was indicted criminally this week along with the company’s Chief Financial Officer. The views and opinions expressed below belong to Mr. Trump Jr. and the cocaine… Continue reading No YOU’RE Doing Too Much Coke Worrying About Whether You and Dad Will Be Indicted Next

I Don’t Know What Critical Race Theory Is, But I Know You’re Racist For Talking About It

The following editorial was written by conservative commentator and aide to former White House senior racism adviser Stephen Miller. All views and opinions expressed herein are those of Mr. Pewpson alone, and not this publication, its ownership, or staff. You can listen to Dustin Pewpson Everything each day from 3:00-5:00 in the morning on W-KKK AM Talk… Continue reading I Don’t Know What Critical Race Theory Is, But I Know You’re Racist For Talking About It

Why Are People More Willing to Collect Unemployment Than The Slave Wages My Company Offers?

Editor’s Note: The following was written by entrepreneur and NRN contributor Dustin Pewpson. The views and opinions expressed by Mr. Pewpson are his own, and do not necessarily reflect those of this outlet, its staff, or ownership. Clearly President Joe Biden’s lowkey, under-the-radar plan to make Americans die from socialism is well underway. How do… Continue reading Why Are People More Willing to Collect Unemployment Than The Slave Wages My Company Offers?