Madison Cawthorn’s Kink Is Brazen, Shameless Hypocrisy and Self-Loathing

A new video has leaked online that reportedly shows freshman Congressman Madison Cawthorn (Q-NC) engaged in sexual activity with another man. Because scientists have long since proven that watching Republicans engage in sex acts can cause irreparable brain damage, we have elected not to link to or show the video in any way. However, if… Continue reading Madison Cawthorn’s Kink Is Brazen, Shameless Hypocrisy and Self-Loathing

Rapist Looking to Settle Down and Start a Family Grateful for Florida’s New Abortion Ban

He’s known for a little while that he’s ready to settle down and start a family. At 32 years of age, Chad Palumbo says he’s done sewing his wild oats, and wants to have some kids. For most self-described rapists, that would be an enormously tall order. However, because Chad lives in Florida, and his… Continue reading Rapist Looking to Settle Down and Start a Family Grateful for Florida’s New Abortion Ban

DeSantis Accuses God of Being ‘Reverse Racist’ Because There Aren’t White People in the Bible

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis (Q) has not indicated one way or the other whether he intends to seek his party’s presidential nomination in 2024, but if the world were to be asked to judge by his actions, it would certainly seem he’s trying to position himself as the most conservative elected official in the country.… Continue reading DeSantis Accuses God of Being ‘Reverse Racist’ Because There Aren’t White People in the Bible

I Sold Tucker The Butt Dildo He Needs to Get Hard. He Didn’t Seem Worried About Masculinity.

Tucker Carlson needs a healthy prostate massage to get an erection. Before you get your knickers in a twist, let me just say that I’m not spreading rumors here. It can’t be a rumor if I heard it right from Mr. Carlson’s mouth, can it? Because that’s exactly what happened when I sold him the… Continue reading I Sold Tucker The Butt Dildo He Needs to Get Hard. He Didn’t Seem Worried About Masculinity.

DeSantis is Right! I Was Groomed for The Soros Transgender Illegal Immigrant Army in School.

The following editorial was written and submitted to us by a Florida resident, who wishes to stay anonymous. The views and opinions expressed herein are those of the author, and not necessarily those of this outlet, its ownership, or staff.  I don’t write this easily. In fact, telling my story is so hard for me,… Continue reading DeSantis is Right! I Was Groomed for The Soros Transgender Illegal Immigrant Army in School.

Matt Gaetz and Roy Moore Are Opening a Grooming Business That Won’t Cater to Pets

Congressman Matt Gaetz (Q-FL) is teaming up with former Alabama Supreme Court Justice and failed Republican Senate Candidate Roy Moore to open a new business in Gaetz’ home state. The business will be a salon that caters to what a press release announcing its formation calls “young, fresh, and crisp ladies looking to get groomed.”… Continue reading Matt Gaetz and Roy Moore Are Opening a Grooming Business That Won’t Cater to Pets

Since the West Started Sanctioning Russia, Don Jr Hasn’t Been Able to Buy Nearly as Much Coke

As Vladimir Putin’s illegal, violent siege of Ukraine continues, the U.S. and its western allies have shown no lack of resolve to keep punishing his regime with stronger and stronger economic sanctions. Since Russian forces started their invasion about a week ago, the west’s sanctions have destroyed much of Russia’s economic stability, with the Ruble… Continue reading Since the West Started Sanctioning Russia, Don Jr Hasn’t Been Able to Buy Nearly as Much Coke

After a Rough First Year, Satan Says He’s Adjusting to Living So Close to Rush Limbaugh

One year ago, a man moved into the permanent residents’ area of Hell, one of the afterlife’s oldest apartment complexes. Since that day, Satan — Hell’s superintendent — says that life has been a “topsy-turvy mix” of good and bad, but that he’s at least “learning to adjust” to having such an unwelcome tenant. “You… Continue reading After a Rough First Year, Satan Says He’s Adjusting to Living So Close to Rush Limbaugh

Greene: “Black History Month is a Marxist Attack on Americans Who Want to Ignore Black People”

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Today is the first day of Black History Month, but not everyone in America is excited about it. In fact, one elected Republican is so angry, she took to Steve Bannon’s podcast this morning and lambasted Black History Month as a concept, calling it a “Marxist attack” on white Americans. “Steve, this… Continue reading Greene: “Black History Month is a Marxist Attack on Americans Who Want to Ignore Black People”

Ever Since My Butthole Started Following MTG on Facebook, It’s Spewed the Dumbest Shit

In hind(end)sight, giving my rectum its own Facebook account has come back to bite me squarely in the ass. Maybe I should have known better, but as you’ll see from reading this story, I was really put in quite a crappy position by that decision, and I’m hoping that if this piece doesn’t garner me… Continue reading Ever Since My Butthole Started Following MTG on Facebook, It’s Spewed the Dumbest Shit