God Apologizes For Not Telling Everyone About His Great Replacement Project Sooner

After a white supremacist gunman’s killing spree in Buffalo, New York over the weekend revealed the shooter’s manifesto included references to “The Great Replacement Theory,” many have wondered just what that is, and where it came from. In general, The Great Replacement Theory states that a concerted effort is being made to force demographic shifts… Continue reading God Apologizes For Not Telling Everyone About His Great Replacement Project Sooner

Jesus Can’t Figure Out Why American Christians Want to Starve Children They Force Into Life

Speaking to reporters at his weekly press conference, Jesus Hubert Christ was asked for his opinions on a leaked Supreme Court opinion indicating the conservative majority is poised to overturn Roe Vs Wade. Christ reiterated that he, as a general rule, stays out of political affairs, however he did raise some questions he has, personally, about… Continue reading Jesus Can’t Figure Out Why American Christians Want to Starve Children They Force Into Life

Qanon Shaman Left Waiting for Q Instructions After Being Sentenced

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a shocking turn of events, the Qanon Shaman was sentenced to three years in prison for his role in the January 6th attack on the US Capitol. However, our research has found that Q was unable to predict this. Independent fact checkers at Not Really News scoured the internet for any clues… Continue reading Qanon Shaman Left Waiting for Q Instructions After Being Sentenced

Supreme Court To Carefully Consider Pros, Cons Of Forcing Teens to Have Fathers’ Rape Babies

WASHINGTON, D.C. — For the first time in decades, the United States Supreme Court will hear oral arguments this morning in a case that could have a transformative effect on abortion rights in America. Since 1973, every woman living in the U.S. has enjoyed biological autonomy — the legal right to privacy which enables her… Continue reading Supreme Court To Carefully Consider Pros, Cons Of Forcing Teens to Have Fathers’ Rape Babies

Mike Lindell: Trump Will Be Back in Power and ‘Make Jesus White Again’ by Christmas

Mike Lindell, CEO of MyPillow and its subsidiary, MyCrackPipe, can be accused of a whole host of things, but one thing no one can reasonably accuse him of is disloyalty to former President Don J. Trump. Despite being sued by the very companies he has accused of conspiring to steal last year’s election from Trump… Continue reading Mike Lindell: Trump Will Be Back in Power and ‘Make Jesus White Again’ by Christmas

Satan Issues Mask Mandate for Unvaccinated MAGAs

HELL, ETERNITY — Bob “Satan” McGee has issued a new mask mandate that applies to all unvaccinated, pro-MAGA residents of Hell. “We’re starting to see another uptick of MAGAs moving in, and a lot of them are dying with COVID again, which is particularly stupid given they have a damn vaccine for it,” Satan announced… Continue reading Satan Issues Mask Mandate for Unvaccinated MAGAs

God: “No Other Gods Before Me Applies to Flags Too”

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY — Larry “God” Schumway confirmed for afterlife reporters this morning during his weekly press briefing that one of the Ten Commandments “totally applies to flags.” “I mean, the commandment is pretty clear and straightforward, so I’m not exactly sure where the confusion some Americans are feeling comes from,” Schumway explained, “but… Continue reading God: “No Other Gods Before Me Applies to Flags Too”

God Believes in ‘Evolution, Not in Marjorie Greene’s Humanity’

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY — In a new interview he did with Deities Magazine, Larry “God” Schumway may have just dropped quite the bombshell on Evangelical Christians. For many years, the religious right has downplayed or outright denied evolution, choosing instead to stick to their beliefs that Schumway himself created the Earth and everything that surrounds… Continue reading God Believes in ‘Evolution, Not in Marjorie Greene’s Humanity’

TX Governor Signs Law Affirming Life Begins at Erection

AUSTIN, TEXAS — Gov. Greg Abbott (Q-TX) signed a law today that makes seeking or obtaining an abortion after the point of erection illegal. “It is with great pride, and a solemn commitment to protecting the life of the unborn at every single stage of procreation — and not a moment more after birth —… Continue reading TX Governor Signs Law Affirming Life Begins at Erection

Jesus Says It’s Okay to Pray That Trump Dies Before 2024

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY — Americans who find themselves praying that former President Donald J. Trump dies before he can run for re-enter the political arena and run for office again are not running afoul of Jesus Hubert Christ or his father Larry “God” Schumway, according to a new interview Christ did over the weekend.… Continue reading Jesus Says It’s Okay to Pray That Trump Dies Before 2024