Musk: “We’ll Let You Say What You Want on Twitter as Long As It’s Not About Me or My Companies”

Elon Musk does not officially own Twitter, not yet anyway. The Twitter board did accept his offer to buyout the social media behemoth last week, but the deal will still need to get passed regulators. Musk is also not permitted to disparage Twitter at all during the due diligence and regulatory approval timeframe. As the… Continue reading Musk: “We’ll Let You Say What You Want on Twitter as Long As It’s Not About Me or My Companies”

She’s One of Congress’ Loudest Pro-Life Voices. Ironically, She’s Also a Botched Abortion.

Every Sunday, a devout evangelical believer of Secret Jewish Space Lasers devotes at least one post on her Facebook page to the topic of abortion. She is one of the loudest pro-life voices in the House of Representatives, and is not shy about criticizing those who consider themselves pro-choice. One could accuse freshman Rep. Marjorie… Continue reading She’s One of Congress’ Loudest Pro-Life Voices. Ironically, She’s Also a Botched Abortion.

Poll: Majority Support Spending $6 Billion to Yeet Elon Musk to Pluto

Billionaire Elon Musk — who reportedly is on track to become the world’s very first trillionaire — isn’t quite sure that a $6 billion donation would wipeout world hunger. In a sarcastic Twitter exchange, Musk offered to give that exact sum to the World Hunger Programme, but only if they could prove his funds would… Continue reading Poll: Majority Support Spending $6 Billion to Yeet Elon Musk to Pluto

Trump Launches “Truth Social” and OJ Simpson Launches “Not for Murderers Social”

SWILLY CORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA — This morning, Facebook and Twitter executives woke up to not just one, but two new, separate competitors in the social media market. One site has the backing and endorsement of one of the most notorious and blatant criminals ever to skate on charges that he was most definitely guilty of,… Continue reading Trump Launches “Truth Social” and OJ Simpson Launches “Not for Murderers Social”

Twitter Tells Trump He Can Have His Account Back

SWILLY CORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA — Last week, former one term, twice-forever impeached President Donald J. Trump filed paperwork in court demanding that social media giant Twitter reactivate his account. Twitter disabled Trump’s account following the January 6th domestic terrorist attack on the nation’s capitol the day Congress met to certify Trump’s loss to then-candidate Joe… Continue reading Twitter Tells Trump He Can Have His Account Back

Med Tech Company Develops “Trump 5000” Ventilator With Built-In MAGA Hat

SWILLY CORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA — A company that specializes in designing medical technology announced this morning that they will release the Trump 5000 Ventilator later this year. Gadget-Med’s Chief Media Officer held a press conference this morning and gave reporters some key details and insights about the Trump 5000. “Gadget-Med is extremely excited to announce… Continue reading Med Tech Company Develops “Trump 5000” Ventilator With Built-In MAGA Hat

Scientist Thinks She Can Prove Madison Cawthorn’s Body is Hosting Timothy McVeigh’s Spirit

POOPSCOOP, VIRGINIA — Dr. Henrietta Kittenz wrote on her popular blog, devoted to biology and science, that she has undertaken a study she thinks could “shed some really interesting light” on one particular member of Congress. “What my study seems to indicate, is that there is quite a good chance that Rep. Madison Cawthorn’s body… Continue reading Scientist Thinks She Can Prove Madison Cawthorn’s Body is Hosting Timothy McVeigh’s Spirit

Biden Asks Greene for Input on Space Force Laser Project

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Joe Biden announced today that Space Force will begin work soon on a new missile defense system, and he wants to get help in its design phase from, perhaps, an unlikely source. “I called up Margarine and I asked her if she’d like to get involved on this space laser program,”… Continue reading Biden Asks Greene for Input on Space Force Laser Project

Beauty of Seeing The Humans He Doesn’t Care About All At Once Brought a Tear to Branson’s Eye

Just a few days ago, billionaire Richard Branson boarded a Virgin Galactic spacecraft and joined its crew and fellow passengers for a test flight to space. Branson, who runs Virgin Galactic and the other companies in the Virgin portfolio, beat another billionaire, Amazon’s Jeff Bezos, to space. The Virgin Group founder┬álaunched Sunday with three company… Continue reading Beauty of Seeing The Humans He Doesn’t Care About All At Once Brought a Tear to Branson’s Eye

Gohmert Asks If Earth’s Orbit Can Be Changed If He Gets Out and Pushes

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Over the course of his congressional career, Rep. Louie Gohmert (Q-TX) has been no stranger to his antics going viral. This week, yet another clip of the Texas Republican has been blowing up, this time because he asked a member of the U.S. Forestry Department if it was possible for either the… Continue reading Gohmert Asks If Earth’s Orbit Can Be Changed If He Gets Out and Pushes