Petition to Send MTG to Ukraine So She Can Help Putin Reaches 4 Billion Signatures

Freshman Congresspony Marjorie Taylor Greene recently appeared on Facebook Live to address the nation. During her long-winded rant, Greene insisted that the United States should not be helping its NATO allies defend Ukraine from Russia’s illegal invasion. Instead, Greene heaped blame on “both sides” of the conflict. MORE: CEO Blames Inflation for His 400% Bonus… Continue reading Petition to Send MTG to Ukraine So She Can Help Putin Reaches 4 Billion Signatures

Glenn Greenwald Still Not Sure Russia’s Invasion of Ukraine Counts as Russia Invading Ukraine

While the Biden administration was trying its best to warn America, and indeed the world, that Russian President Vladimir Putin was amassing forces on the Ukrainian border ahead of a planned invasion, super-journalist Glenn Greenwald was on the case, telling everyone the complete opposite. For weeks, Greenwald assured his Twitter followers, and anyone paying attention,… Continue reading Glenn Greenwald Still Not Sure Russia’s Invasion of Ukraine Counts as Russia Invading Ukraine

Man Not Sure if He’s Registering for Republican Party or Putin’s Draft

Over the weekend, 52 year old out of work non-union carpenter Jack Johnathan wanted to register to vote, and he wanted to register as a Republican. “I just think it’s important to keep taxes low on the people I pay more taxes then, and I’m really not cool with dialing one for English in this… Continue reading Man Not Sure if He’s Registering for Republican Party or Putin’s Draft

Milley Advised China to Send McNuggets to the White House to Appease Trump

During the final days of the Trump administration, a new book reveals that Retired Gen. Mark Milley, Joint Chiefs of Staff, went around the president and made contact with his Chinese counterpart. Milley was motivated, the book suggests, by his deep and consistent fear that Don Trump would attempt to start a war with China… Continue reading Milley Advised China to Send McNuggets to the White House to Appease Trump

ISIS Surprised By Popularity of Their Sign-Up Booth at CPAC

“Holy shit! This is absolutely insane! I never would have thought there’d be this many people signing up with us,” the man working the ISIS sign-up booth at CPAC told us via Skype this morning, “but it’s been absolutely nuts from the moment they opened the doors.” The spokesterrorist, speaking on the condition of anonymity,… Continue reading ISIS Surprised By Popularity of Their Sign-Up Booth at CPAC

Mexico Offers to Pay to Send Ted Cruz Back to Canada

MEXICO CITY, MEXICO — While residents of his home state of Texas struggle to keep warm among a crisis of energy production and climate change, Senator Ted Cruz (Q-TX) took himself and his family out of the United States, down to Cancun, Mexico last night.  This morning, the Mexican government sent an urgent communique to… Continue reading Mexico Offers to Pay to Send Ted Cruz Back to Canada

ISIS Claims Responsibility for Coronavirus Quarantine Protests

UNDISCLOSED LOCATION — The terrorist organization known as ISIS has released a new video in which they claim responsibility for what they’re calling the “most ingenious plan to kill thousands of Americans ever devised.” “In all our wildest dreams, we couldn’t have ever imagined attacking America in such a way that could lead to literally… Continue reading ISIS Claims Responsibility for Coronavirus Quarantine Protests

Lindsey Graham: “Real Patriotic Americans Fully Support President Trump Wagging the Bone Spurs”

WASHINGTON, D.C. — If America is on the brink of war with Iran, President Donald Trump can count on the support of most of his Republican colleagues in Congress.  Perhaps none will be more vocally supportive of Trump’s aggressive strike against Iran than Sen. Lindsey Graham. The South Carolina Republican told reporters this morning that… Continue reading Lindsey Graham: “Real Patriotic Americans Fully Support President Trump Wagging the Bone Spurs”

Trump Offers to Send Rakes and Paper Towels to Australia In Exchange for Its Electoral College Votes

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump sent the Prime Minister of Australia an offer that sources say he’s quite sure they won’t be able to refuse. In exchange for all of Australia’s Electoral College votes in this year’s presidential election, Trump would authorize millions of dollars in rakes and paper towels to be delivered to… Continue reading Trump Offers to Send Rakes and Paper Towels to Australia In Exchange for Its Electoral College Votes

Poll: Majority Think President Trump Pulling Out 41 Years Too Late

A new snap poll, conducted by polling company We Poll You So Hard, indicates that the overwhelming majority of Americans don’t have a problem with President Trump pulling out. They just wish he’d done it about 41 years sooner. This new poll was conducted to gauge just how supportive of President Donald Trump’s decision to pull out… Continue reading Poll: Majority Think President Trump Pulling Out 41 Years Too Late