Of Course Elon Will Let You Call Him a Pedo on Twitter Once He Buys It. He Loves Free Speech.

The following is an editorial submitted by Chad Schittsworth, a senior fellow at the Dicking Institute, a conservative think tank dedicated to “Three F’s of Conservatism: Freedom, Faith, and Fascism.” The views and opinions expressed are those of Mr. Schittsworth, and not necessarily those of this outlet, its ownership, or staff. If you were to… Continue reading Of Course Elon Will Let You Call Him a Pedo on Twitter Once He Buys It. He Loves Free Speech.

Trump Can’t Wait for Musk to Own Twitter So He Doesn’t Have to Post on Truth Social

A new report out of South Florida seems to indicate that one former, one-term, twice permanently impeached President of the United States is watching what happens with Elon Musk’s hostile takeover attempt of Twitter quite closely. MORE: I’m in Florida. My Cousin’s in Tennessee. We’re Moving to TX to Protect Our Baby From Groomers. According… Continue reading Trump Can’t Wait for Musk to Own Twitter So He Doesn’t Have to Post on Truth Social

I’m in Florida. My Cousin’s in Tennessee. We’re Moving to TX to Protect Our Baby From Groomers.

The following editorial was submitted by Eddie Pesghetti, a 35 year old resident of Lake Shitass, Florida. The views and opinions expressed herein are those of Mr. Pesghetti, and only those of Mr. Pesghetti. They do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of this outlet, its ownership, or staff. MORE: Stable Hands Confirm Marjorie… Continue reading I’m in Florida. My Cousin’s in Tennessee. We’re Moving to TX to Protect Our Baby From Groomers.

DeSantis Warns Disney That Donald Duck ‘Better Put Some Pants On’ Around Younger Park Guests

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis (Q) is not going to stop his feud with The Walt Disney Company any time soon. At least, that appears to be the case as the governor just fired another warning shot across the Magic Kingdom’s bow. Speaking at a press conference held in front of a burning cross, DeSantis blasted… Continue reading DeSantis Warns Disney That Donald Duck ‘Better Put Some Pants On’ Around Younger Park Guests

Lauren Boebert Successfully Donated Six Brain Cells to MTG and Still Has Six to Spare

Doctors in Colorado are marveling at the news that a congressional representative from their state successfully gave six brain cells to another member of Congress, lived to tell the tale, and still has roughly half her brain cells leftover. Today, the medical staff at Pine Tree Hospital announced that they helped freshman Rep. Lauren Boebert… Continue reading Lauren Boebert Successfully Donated Six Brain Cells to MTG and Still Has Six to Spare

A Second Grader Asked DeSantis Where Babies Come From. He Had Her Arrested.

This morning, while visiting an elementary school in Northern Florida, Gov. Ron DeSantis (Q) was asked by a precocious, some would even say adorable second grader. The young girl walked up to the governor and tugged at his jacket. DeSantis turned around and regarded the second grader with a smile. “Governor DeSantis, where do babies… Continue reading A Second Grader Asked DeSantis Where Babies Come From. He Had Her Arrested.

Amy Coney Barrett Says She’ll Welcome Jackson to Supreme Court If Mr. Barrett Says She Can

If Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson is confirmed by the U.S. Senate and becomes a member of the United States Supreme Court, she’ll be welcomed by the previously most recently appointed woman to the high court. That is, of course, only if her husband says it’s okay to welcome Judge Jackson. “Obviously, we have to wait… Continue reading Amy Coney Barrett Says She’ll Welcome Jackson to Supreme Court If Mr. Barrett Says She Can

Florida Nun Unsure If She’ll Be Arrested After Teaching Students About the Immaculate Conception

“It’s tough for me to know, legally speaking, if discussing statutory rape is kosher with the new law.” – Sister Mary Jane Yummipants For the last twenty-eight years, Sister Mary Jane Yummipants has taught second grade at St. Joseph’s of the Sacred Sexual Predator Catholic School in Lake Stinknuts, Florida. Each of those years, Sister… Continue reading Florida Nun Unsure If She’ll Be Arrested After Teaching Students About the Immaculate Conception

In Potential Fight Between Putin and Musk, Most Rooting for Simultaneous Spontaneous Combustion

This week, billionaire and terminally online Twitter troll Elon Musk challenged Russian autocrat Vlad Putin to “single combat” in a tweet. Though absolutely nobody asked him to, Musk challenged Putin to the fight, claiming he wanted the “stakes” to be control of Ukraine. Needless to say, Musk’s tweet went viral. However, if the Tesla and… Continue reading In Potential Fight Between Putin and Musk, Most Rooting for Simultaneous Spontaneous Combustion

Rep Greene Threatens to Impeach Biden for Not Loaning Secret Space Laser to Ukraine

Freshman Congresspony Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-GA) is no stranger to drafting Articles of Impeachment against President Joe Biden. Ever since she was stripped of her committee assignments less than a week after taking office because unhinged, violent social media posts from her past were exposed, Greene has had a lot of time on her hands.… Continue reading Rep Greene Threatens to Impeach Biden for Not Loaning Secret Space Laser to Ukraine