Golden Corral Taps Tucker Carlson to Promote “Patriot Binge and Purge” Loyalty Program

This week, Fox News will begin airing a docuseries produced by noted white nationalist trust fund baby Tucker Carlson entitled, Patriot Purge. In the docuseries, which is already garnering enormous backlash, Carlson advances the narrative that the events on January 6th, 2021 were a “false flag” operation intended to help purge the country of so-called patriots. Eyeing… Continue reading Golden Corral Taps Tucker Carlson to Promote “Patriot Binge and Purge” Loyalty Program

Trump Left Behind Unpaid $1 Million McDonald’s Tab for Biden Administration

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Presidential transitions take time, and as such, it can be months into a new administration when the public is made aware of something the last one did, or in some case did not, do. One such incident was just reported by several outlets. Reportedly, the Donald Trump presidential administration left a rather… Continue reading Trump Left Behind Unpaid $1 Million McDonald’s Tab for Biden Administration

Biden to Dismantle McDonald’s Kitchen the Previous Administration Installed

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The permanent staff of the White House is a professional unit of workers who is quite used to a change in power resulting in a change of decor. When one president leaves and another enters, the new occupant is traditionally invited to make the cosmetic and decorative decisions they’d like to, in… Continue reading Biden to Dismantle McDonald’s Kitchen the Previous Administration Installed

QAnon Shaman Won’t Eat Unless Its Organic or Trump’s Ass

While in federal custody, Jacob Chansley — known worldwide now as “The QAnon Shaman” — will only eat either organic food, or barring that, Trump’s ass. Mr. Chansley, who has made himself famous by showing up to various QAnon events in a bearskin headdress, shirtless, and with his face painted, is among the Americans already arrested… Continue reading QAnon Shaman Won’t Eat Unless Its Organic or Trump’s Ass

Mob Storms Local Taco Bell Demanding Mexican Pizzas

FORT PHARDT, INDIANA — An angry, maksed mob appeared at a local Taco Bell this week and demanded scores of Mexican Pizzas, which will be leaving the Taco Bell menu for good in a matter of weeks. MORE: CDC Releases New Urgent Guidelines for “Safe and Healthy” Circle Jerking It was announced just days ago… Continue reading Mob Storms Local Taco Bell Demanding Mexican Pizzas

White Woman Already Sh***ing Pure Pumpkin Spice

The calendar has just barely turned over into September, but 35 year old Katherine Braun has been eating and drinking pumpkin spice flavored products since the first official day of fall, back in September. In fact, with just a little over a couple weeks of the season under her belt, Katherine says she’s already “really… Continue reading White Woman Already Sh***ing Pure Pumpkin Spice

McDonald’s Unveils New “McF#ckIt” Burger For Customers Who Just Don’t Care Anymore

OAK BROOK, ILLINOIS — Fast food monolith McDonald’s told investors today that a brand new burger will be added to most menus worldwide starting in the third quarter of 2018. The “McFuckIt” burger will be the largest burger in the company’s history, and will cost $40. “Made from the guts of a Big Mac, Quarter… Continue reading McDonald’s Unveils New “McF#ckIt” Burger For Customers Who Just Don’t Care Anymore

Disneyland to Introduce First, Second, and Steerage Class Tickets in 2020

ANASLIME, CALIFORNIA — When Disney announced that they would be dramatically raising Disneyland ticket pricing this year, a strong negative buzz began to foment on social media. Quizzically, though, the entertainment behemoth announced today that next year’s ticket plans and pricing would be an even more drastic change from the historical norms. “Beginning in 2020,… Continue reading Disneyland to Introduce First, Second, and Steerage Class Tickets in 2020

Trump Hotels Will Start Offering Fine Smocked Salmon and Other Meats Starting in 2019

NEW YORK, NEW YORK — Donald Trump Jr. announced today that all Trump hotels will begin to offer a selection of “the bestest smocked meats available to mankind” next year. “Okay, so like, Eric and I were talking about the business — you know, completely and totally separately from my dad, who, as President of… Continue reading Trump Hotels Will Start Offering Fine Smocked Salmon and Other Meats Starting in 2019

Grohl University Online Salad Dressing Poll Delivers List Of The Best, The Best, The Best, The Best Of Bleu

Do you love salads? Do you love salads with salad dressings? Do you love salad dressings made with bleu cheese? Do you love salad dressings made with bleu cheese, but only want the best in life? Do you love salad dressings made with bleu cheese, only want the best in life, but aren’t sure which salad… Continue reading Grohl University Online Salad Dressing Poll Delivers List Of The Best, The Best, The Best, The Best Of Bleu