“Here’s Why Your Uterus Belongs to Those Weird Jesus Freak Neighbors” by Amy Coney Barrett

The following editorial was submitted by Supreme Court Justice Amy Coney OfJesse Barrett. The views and opinions herein are those of Mrs. Barrett’s, provided her husband agreed to let her have views and opinions of her own.  With your husbands’ or fathers’ permission, of course, I’d like to address this open letter to the women… Continue reading “Here’s Why Your Uterus Belongs to Those Weird Jesus Freak Neighbors” by Amy Coney Barrett

Ben Shapiro: “My Wife Told Me Not to Worry If I Can’t Find Her Clitoris, Someone Can”

Ben Shapiro can’t find his wife’s clitoris, and most nights he absolutely refuses to do so. However, according to Mr. Shapiro, his wife is “totally and completely okay” with that. This is all according to the latest episode of Shapiro’s podcast. “You know, I’ve had at least six different smug liberals tell me I shouldn’t… Continue reading Ben Shapiro: “My Wife Told Me Not to Worry If I Can’t Find Her Clitoris, Someone Can”

Taliban Congratulates MAGA on Overturning Roe Vs Wade

Just hours after Politico broke a bombshell story — that the Supreme Court had voted in February to strike down Roe vs Wade — MAGA Americans are being congratulated on their success, though the source of the congratulations might raise a few eyebrows. In a press release sent to various news outlets, the Taliban told MAGA country they should… Continue reading Taliban Congratulates MAGA on Overturning Roe Vs Wade

Musk Bought Twitter a Day Ago and My “@AmericasFirstReichPatriot” Account Still Isn’t Active!

Ummmmmmmmmmmm. What the actual, literal, perpetual fuck is going on over at Twitter? Elon Musk’s offer to buy it was accepted more than a day ago, and my old account, which was banned under the previous Leftist Woketopian Twitter Regime, has yet to be reactivated! If @AmericasFirstReichPatriot doesn’t get reinstated by the end of the… Continue reading Musk Bought Twitter a Day Ago and My “@AmericasFirstReichPatriot” Account Still Isn’t Active!

Twitter Says Babylon Bee Can Have Its Account Back When It Switches from Hate Speech to Satire

Alleged comedic website The Babylon Bee had access to its Twitter account temporarily suspended this weekend for breaking the social media site’s Terms of Service. When it published a headline calling Assistant Health Secretary Rachel Levine, a transgender woman, their “Man of the Year,” on Twitter,  The Bablyon Bee broke the rule barring hateful conduct. While some have… Continue reading Twitter Says Babylon Bee Can Have Its Account Back When It Switches from Hate Speech to Satire

Jesus Warns His Trans Little Children to ‘Stay the Fuck Away’ From the Bible Belt

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY — Jesus Hubert Christ, son of Larry “God” Schumway, and Vice President of Holy Trinity, Inc., held an urgent press conference this morning. Christ urged any and all parents of transgender children living in the so-called “Bible Belt” to move their families to a more tolerant and inclusive part of the… Continue reading Jesus Warns His Trans Little Children to ‘Stay the Fuck Away’ From the Bible Belt

Pat Robertson: God Will Warm Texas If He Stops Watching “Magic Mike” for Research Purposes Twelve Times a Week

VIRGINIA BEACH, VIRGINIA — Living fossil and televangelist Pat Robertson often speaks to God about what’s going in the United States. In particular, Robertson will dialogue with God about natural disasters and weather phenomenon. Usually, God tells Robertson exactly what it is that the sinful American left has done to deserve his ire. But Robertson… Continue reading Pat Robertson: God Will Warm Texas If He Stops Watching “Magic Mike” for Research Purposes Twelve Times a Week

If We Can’t Fantasize Sexually About the Green M&M or Minnie Mouse, the Commies Already Won

The following editorial was written and submitted to The Political Garbage Chute by Congressman Matt Gaetz (Q-FL). The views and opinions expressed herein are those of Mr. Gaetz, his child bride, and a rabid cult of sad, ignorant morons with direct genetic links to the confederacy. They do not necessarily represent those of this outlet, its ownership,… Continue reading If We Can’t Fantasize Sexually About the Green M&M or Minnie Mouse, the Commies Already Won

Man Sues God For Taking Betty White and Bob Saget When Trump Was ‘Still a Very Good Option’

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY — 2022 is not quite two weeks old, and already a handful of famous, beloved celebrities have passed on — and that fact has just landed Larry “God” Schumway back in civil court, the subject of a lawsuit. Just before the calendar turned over, actress Betty White died. Then, days later… Continue reading Man Sues God For Taking Betty White and Bob Saget When Trump Was ‘Still a Very Good Option’

Jesus Christ Doesn’t ‘Have Any Fucks to Give’ About the Fox News Christmas Tree

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY — This week, Conservative America has been highly focused on what is being described in certain circles as the most egregious attacks in the left’s long-running war on Christmas in quite some time, if not ever. Just days ago, a man is suspected of lighting the Fox News Christmas tree on… Continue reading Jesus Christ Doesn’t ‘Have Any Fucks to Give’ About the Fox News Christmas Tree