Ivanka, Jared, Eric, and Don Jr ‘Disappointed’ Hunter Biden Used His Name for Personal Gain

If there is one thing that everyone knows about the crotch-fruit of Donald Trump, it’s that they absolutely loathe and despise any form of nepotism, and are outraged when they see someone using their famous name and wealthy, well-connected family ties for personal enrichment. Given the Trump family’s noted and documented aversion to nepotism, it’s… Continue reading Ivanka, Jared, Eric, and Don Jr ‘Disappointed’ Hunter Biden Used His Name for Personal Gain

Dems Offer to Exchange Jackson’s LSATs for Kavanaugh’s BAC the Night He Assaulted Blasey Ford

When President Joe Biden nominated Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson to replace retiring Supreme Court Justice Stephen Breyer, not many on the Hill expected Republicans to just roll over without a fight and let her onto the bench without smearing her reputation and casting doubt about her qualifications. Elected Republicans eager to get a jump on… Continue reading Dems Offer to Exchange Jackson’s LSATs for Kavanaugh’s BAC the Night He Assaulted Blasey Ford

Ted Cruz: “Did Biden Forget Real Presidents Only Use the State of the Union to S Their Own D?”

Sen. Ted Cruz (Q-Cancun) was not a fan of President Joe Biden’s first State of the Union Address, however that is probably as surprising as finding out that a week’s worth of Taco Bell will give you diarrhea as if you’d gotten it from Lauren Boebert’s BBQ restaurant. What may be surprising, at least to… Continue reading Ted Cruz: “Did Biden Forget Real Presidents Only Use the State of the Union to S Their Own D?”

Trump Plans to Be Sitting on His Fat Ass While Brandon Delivers State of the Union Address

While President Brandon is delivering the very first State of the Union Address of his presidency, one twice-permanently impeached, defeated ex-president will be doing what sources tell us he does the best. On the condition of anonymity and Bass Pro Shops gift cards, our source agreed to a telephone interview from the Mar-A-Lago luxury resort in… Continue reading Trump Plans to Be Sitting on His Fat Ass While Brandon Delivers State of the Union Address

GOP Election Audits Prove Biden’s Presidency Can Only Last Three and a Half More Years

The results of two major pretend-audits in Arizona and Georgia are starting to come in, and Cyber Ninjas, the company that performed them, says that they’re showing “clear-ish and semi-obvious potential evidence” that could threaten the presidency of Joe Biden. At a hastily thrown together press conference this afternoon, Cyber Ninja deputy press officer Dick… Continue reading GOP Election Audits Prove Biden’s Presidency Can Only Last Three and a Half More Years

Biden Politely Declines Lindsey Graham’s Offer of Four Years of Public Beejers

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The note President Biden sent to Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC) yesterday morning contained a very short message. “Thanks, but no thanks, Lindsey.” MORE: Gaez Blames Cancel Culture for His Inability to Bring a Woman to Climax Even Once Biden’s missive to his old friend addressed an offer that Graham had made to… Continue reading Biden Politely Declines Lindsey Graham’s Offer of Four Years of Public Beejers

Biden Suggests Injecting Bleach Into Mop Buckets

DELAWARE — When he said it, the entire room took notice. “Call me crazy, but I think if you’re looking to get things really clean when you’re doing your mopping, Bub,” President-elect Joe Biden told a reporter today, “you might think about injecting a little bleach into your mop bucket. You gotta be careful with… Continue reading Biden Suggests Injecting Bleach Into Mop Buckets

Obama Warns Biden Against Tan Suits and Dijon Mustards

SECRET KENYAN SHARIA BUNKER — Outgoing President Donald J. Trump may not want to admit it quite yet, but he lost his reelection bid two weeks ago. Thus far, only one of his campaign’s lawsuits has been upheld, and the vast majority he’s lost, watching the momentum of victory carry former Vice President Joe Biden… Continue reading Obama Warns Biden Against Tan Suits and Dijon Mustards

Biden Supporters Surround Trump Bus and Tell It How to Get to Sesame Street

CHINGADAS, TEXAS — A tense situation in Texas has resolved itself, and the occupants of a pro-Trump bus are now safely back on the road toward their ultimate destination. According to several witnesses on the scene, a busload of Trump supporters was pulled off on a stretch of Texan highway when ten cars full of… Continue reading Biden Supporters Surround Trump Bus and Tell It How to Get to Sesame Street

Well That’s It. The Republicans Have Convinced Me. I am NOT Voting for Hunter Biden!

Editor’s Note: The following is an editorial written by the Editor In Chief and Head Fuckwit of The Political Garbage Chute, James “Jambo” Schlarmann. The views and opinions expressed therein absolutely, positively reflect those of this publication, and its ownership, because well, he owns it, and he happens to be writing this editor’s note, as well. It… Continue reading Well That’s It. The Republicans Have Convinced Me. I am NOT Voting for Hunter Biden!