Police Chief: Chauvin Verdict Proves ‘The System Works At Least .000000000001% of the Time’

Some local residents are scratching their heads at comments made by Police Chief Burt Thompson of the Lytton Police Department when he appeared on CBS affiliate W-KYJ and spoke about the Derek Chauvin guilty verdicts.

“It spoke volumes, I think that this guilty verdict came in so quickly. One nine hours of deliberation,” Thompson said, “and Derek Chauvin was convicted of every charge he faced. I genuinely hope that those who have bullied my fellow law enforcement heroes — ALL OF US — by demanding so-called ‘reforms’ see this verdict for what it really is: evidence that we don’t need police reforms. At all.”

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Thompson further stated that “police everywhere have been getting a bad rep” for a long time, and that as it turns out, it was all due to the actions of one, single person.

“So let’s get something straight. You all smeared a lot of us, all of us, because of this one, single, solitary bad apple,” Thompson chided the public. “The only bad apple EVER. I hope you all do some thinking and maybe stop assuming we’re all bad, because we just caught the bad cop, okay?”

Chief Thompson did acknowledge that “mathematically, there could be, maybe one or two more bad cops, at most,” still at large, abusing their power.

“And let’s say, just for the sake of argument,” Thompson continued, “that there are more than one bad apple out there? From my vantage point, it means the system works at least .000000000001% of the time. It’s time to be thankful for what you have, and stop whining about the things you don’t have, like constitutional policing by cops who aren’t authoritarian bullies.”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.