WASHINGTON, D.C. — Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-GA) told reporters this morning as she arrived for work on the Hill that she’s been speaking with former President Donald Trump quite a lot lately. One subject that keeps coming up, Greene divulged, is what Trump’s first actions will be, once he wins re-election in 2024.
According to Ms. Greene, former President Trump is “outraged and sickened” still to this day about losing the 2020 election, and the 2021 insurrection. He is committed, Greene said, to ensuring that outcome doesn’t happen again. According to her, Trump has a “much more betterer insurrection squad picked out,” but he’s extremely confident it won’t be necessary.
“FOREVER President Trump knows one thing for certain,” Greene shouted through her feedbag, “He will win, and he will bigly! But he also knows that unhinged liberal Democrats will try to steal it from again, with their wicked counting of votes that are cast! That’s why he’s going to listen to me this time and declare Marshall Law [sic] right from the start of his presidency.”
Rep. Greene reported that Trump is so committed to the idea of declaring “Marshall law,” that he’s already picked out his next Attorney General. Trump believes his choice is “absolutely freaking perfect for the job,” Greene relayed.
“Tell me that Eminem isn’t the perfect choice when Trump declares Marshall Law! I mean, he’s the real Slim Shady! And all you other Slim Shadies are just imitating! I mean, c’mon, folks! I know you can’t libs, because even in your libtarded minds, you know I’m right,” Greene cackled before taking a hit from her crack pipe. “So just understand that when Trump is back, and he will be back, there will be a new sheriff in town, his name will be Eminem, and he will help us make sure MAGA reigns supreme for all the rest of our days!”
Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on TikTok, Patreon, Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.