Illinois Republican Wants To Make Sure Holocaust Denier Is Also Climate Change Denier Before Voting For Him

LAKE WINTHROP, ILLINOIS — Darrel Diqchest is a 36 year old Republican from Illinois.

Darrel has only ever voted for Republican candidates, no matter whether the election is for a local office, or the presidency. Diqchest also happens to be in the 3rd congressional district in his state, which means he must now grapple with whether to vote for a man who is running opposed for his party’s nomination for that congressional seat. Normally, Darrel wouldn’t bat an eyelash about voting for a candidate who is running unopposed for his party in a primary, but Mr. Diqchest says there’s a “rather big reason” he has trepidation about voting for Arthur Jones in a few weeks.

“I’ve read the reports that he’s a Holocaust denier and anti-semite, and that certainly isn’t very good from an optics standpoint,” Diqchest told us via Skype. “But what really concerns me is that I can’t find any literature on whether he’s a climate change denier or not, and that is an absolute deal breaker for me.”

Diqchest admits that he’d “feel a lot better” about voting for Jones if he knew he’d toe the party line. Darrel says the anti-Semitism displayed by Jones might have been an issue in “the Pre-Trump days,” but that the president has “leveled the playing field” in that regard.

“We don’t need to use dog whistles so much anymore, and we don’t have to pretend to be offended by what the racists in our party say,” Diqchest explained. “So maybe in 2010 I’d be worried about the Nazi stuff, but in 2018, it’s so passe. Now, not knowing where he stands on the global conspiracy of climate change? That’s a big one for us.”

Mr. Diqchest says while he himself is not racist or antisemitic, he respects the Constitution too much to fault Jones for his own bigotry, at least not enough to not vote for him.

Trump Praises Dow’s “Historic Alternative Spike”

“Look, being a virulent racist and Nazi is every American’s right, even if I don’t agree with it, but the obvious anti-capitalist climate change hoax is something I cannot and will not abide,” Darrel told us.

Jones has been defended by some Republicans from outside Illinois.

“I don’t see what the big damn deal is about Arthur, truth to be told,” David Duke told us in a separate interview.

Should he win, Jones would become the most racist Republican to win a national election since 2016 when a giant orange neo-confederate alleged billionaire became president despite garnering millions fewer votes than his closest competitor, Crooked Killary Clintstoned.

You can read satire like this every day on The Political Garbage Chute and Alternative Facts.

More Satire:

Paul Ryan Helps Woman Build Massive Money Bin So She Can Swim Around In Her Extra $1.50 Like Scrooge McDuck