I Was Tired of My Kids Being Groomed So I Put Them in Catholic School Where They’ll Be Safe

The following is an editorial submitted to us by Florida resident Chad Beefington. Chad refers to himself as a “concerned parent” of four children, and recently he made the decision to pull them out of public school over concerns of “grooming.” The views and opinions expressed herein are those of Mr. Beefington, and not necessarily those of this outlet, its ownership, or staff.

Contrary to what the Woketopian Leftist George Soros-Funded Media want you to believe — we MAGA Patriots are not “bigots.” We’re not “haters.” We’re not “paranoid Jesus Freaks looking for another reason to have a moral panic about things we don’t understand.”

We’re none of those things.

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We’re concerned parents, convinced that every single teacher in America is part of a conspiracy to groom our children. Groom them for what, you ask? Simple, Libtard.

Grooming them to be transgender, pansexual, illegal immigrants who get gay married right before performing six hundred abortions a minute in Barack Obama’s FEMA camps he built in Benghazi. Sorry if that truth bomb scares you, but some of us actually listen to the warnings the great Alexander Jones and Dr. Joseph Rogan, M.D. issue, and we’ve been onto your little game for quite some time now.

We all know liberals try to indoctrinate our kids. From the moment they enter school, their minds are filled with facts, data, and information. Which is of course dangerous counter-programming to the only educationalistic book you will ever need: The Holy Bible, King Donald John Trump Edition.

When will you get it through your heads that we only want children being indoctrinated in churches and religious private schools? Which we believe, by the way, all taxpayers should foot the bill for. And that is definitely NOT socialism. It’s state sponsored religion, and good luck proving THAT’S unconstitutional, Libs.

The simple truth is that our deep rooted fear of our kids being groomed is warranted. Because our mayonnaise pigmented hearts believe it to be so. And let’s face it — if a white, middle aged American wants something to be true, in this country we honor those feelings and make it true.

So the other week my wife and I made the decision to pull our kids out of Florida’s public schools. We just don’t trust that they will be safe from predators in government indoctrination centers. We did the most reasonable, sensible thing we could think of to protect our kids — we enrolled them in private Catholic School.

Now, my second cousin and I can rest assured knowing that our kids will be safe and secure, surrounded by nuns and priests. Nothing could ever harm them, nobody will ever victimize my kids when they’re surrounded by nuns and priests. God just simply won’t allow that to happen.

So you know what?

Disney can leave this state of they want. Every business can leave this state. Nothing matters more than protecting our kids from our delusional, paranoid fever dreams. Any company that doesn’t want to help keep our kids safe doesn’t belong here in the Gunshine State, and I will go to my grave believing that.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.