Lauren Boebert Successfully Donated Six Brain Cells to MTG and Still Has Six to Spare

Doctors in Colorado are marveling at the news that a congressional representative from their state successfully gave six brain cells to another member of Congress, lived to tell the tale, and still has roughly half her brain cells leftover.

Today, the medical staff at Pine Tree Hospital announced that they helped freshman Rep. Lauren Boebert (Q-CO) transplant six whole brain cells from her skull and into Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene’s (Q-GA) own head. The hospital noted that not only did Greene’s brain cell count shoot up 6,000%, remarkably, Rep. Boebert still has six brain cells left. That would mean, doctors indicated, that she retained roughly half of her brain function post-surgery.

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For a comparison, Dr. Benson Hornaydieux told reporters that Boebert is “still sixteen times smarter” than Louie Gohmert and Sarah Palin.

“This is a really remarkable case. When Ms. Boebert asked us if we could slice away six of her brain cells, we were worried that the other six would escape during the procedure,” Hornaydieux explained. “That was not the case though! Her other remaining brain cells stayed right in place. Absolutely tremendous medical breakthrough.”

Hornaydieux said the operation was so successful, he’s given permission to Boebert to perform another operation. This time, he says he’ll give half of Boebert’s remaining’s brain cells to Sarah Palin, who said she is interested in taking the late Rep. Don Young of Alaska’s seat.

“Lauren told me that she thinks if Sarah’s going to be in Congress with her, she’ll need to be, and these were her words, just as more smarterer than AOC as she and Congresspony Greene are,” Hornaydieux said with a laugh. “What can I say? I have a penchant for making morons and domestic terrorist’s dreams come true, I suppose.”

In a statement, Rep. Greene thanked Boebert for her “extremely bigly gift.”

“Ever since I done got Lauren’s extra brain bubbles, I figure I’m at least 150,000% more smarter, and even more MAGA! We will celebrate this at the gun range the next time we hang out, Lauren, and this time, I’ll give you diarrhea with MY barbecue,” Greene wrote and posted on Truth Social.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.