NYPD’s New Robot is the First Dog That Definitely Sees Color

NEW YORK, NEW YORK — This week, the New York Police Department unveiled its new robot dogs and put them on the beat. The dogs are quite historic. They’re the first dogs that have been confirmed to see in color.

There is a commonly held misconception that dogs see in black and white, and can’t see any colors. However, currently canine experts believe that dogs see in a way that could best be compared to a condition like color blindness in humans. They can have a hard time seeing certain shades of certain colors.

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The new robot dogs were designed to see things “exactly like cops do,” according to NYPD spokesperson Sgt. John Jackson, and so they were built with technology to tell the difference between human beings based on their skin tone.

“It’s not that we want the dog doing racial profiling so much as we want the dog to be able to treat humans it encounters based on the same internal algorithm our officers do,” Sgt. Jackson explained. “We want it to be able to tell when someone should be followed or interrogated just by looking at them; just like regular human cops do.”

According to Sgt. Jackson, there are many advantages to having robot dogs on the force.

“I mean, real dogs need food and water and petting and all that stuff. Robot dogs just need to be pointed in the direction of some suspicious young, um, URBAN youth,” Jackson said, “and they do the rest for you. The NYPD is really looking forward to seeing the robot dog force in action for years to come.”

Sgt. Jackson gave the press a demonstration of the robot dog’s capability to see and differentiate color.

“As you can see, when the dog passes a white man spray painting graffiti on the side of a building, he assumes the young man is just the son of a rich Wall Street fat cat doing some street art for his college project,” Jackson narrated as the dog performed the test. “However, when he sees the black man just standing on the street corner, reading a news story on his phone, watch as he pounces on the man, rolls him over and frisks him. You know, for public safety…or whatever.”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.