Petition to Send MTG to Ukraine So She Can Help Putin Reaches 4 Billion Signatures

Freshman Congresspony Marjorie Taylor Greene recently appeared on Facebook Live to address the nation. During her long-winded rant, Greene insisted that the United States should not be helping its NATO allies defend Ukraine from Russia’s illegal invasion.

Instead, Greene heaped blame on “both sides” of the conflict.

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Greene, who does not have any experience in international diplomacy, said that President Biden’s actions thus far have been incorrect. Since the beginning of Russia’s invasion, Greene has been one of several Republican lawmakers amplifying Kremlin talking points about the war. It would appear that all her anti-Ukraine propaganda has earned her quite a bit of fame and notoriety, at least if the popularity of a new petition is to be considered.

The international petition, which actually started in Greene’s home district, asks the world to come together and crowdfund enough money so that Greene can “get on the first horse available trailer,” which would then be loaded onto a cargo hauler. Then, Greene would be dropped onto the frontlines of Putin’s war of aggression.

The petition asks for the Kremlin to enlist Greene right away, and give her the rank of Lieutenant Corporal.

So far, the petition has picked up over four billion signatures, indicating that over a third of all living human beings would be fine with Greene risking her life in service to Russia. Those signing the petition also pledged five dollars toward the cause. It’s unclear how much money it would cost to send a horse the size of Greene to Ukraine, but we called around to a few stables that are known for breeding horses and sending them overseas, and they all said that kind of money would more than cover the cost of shipping.

One stablemaster told us that there could still be a need for more money to be raised, however.

“Certainly that kind of money would cover quite a lot of the costs involved in getting a horse from America to Eastern Europe,” John Jacobs told us. “However, there’s a concern I’d have about keeping that horse fed. Not so much with food, but with meth and Monster energy drinks. You can tell by looking at her that’s what her diet mainly consists of. So, hopefully, whatever funds are raised can also be used to ensure she has a steady supply of speed and energy drinks.”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.