The RNC and Donald Trump’s Dong Have Censured Kinzinger and Cheney

Standing on one’s principles can be a tricky proposition for anyone, but for politicians it can be downright career ending. Politicians belonging to a party that has effectively become a death cult of personality for one embattled, aging, racist reality TV game show host are really hanging it all on the line when their principled stands put them in conflict with that death cult.

Representatives Adam Kinzinger and Liz Cheney, both members of the dying Republican Party, have learned that lesson in a very public way this week. Two institutions of modern American conservatism have publicly criticized, and now censured, Kinzinger and Cheney. The pair are being formally rebuked because they are members of the Select Special Committee investigating the January 6th failed coup attempt, which has angered the groups bigly.

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First, the Republican National Committee slapped a censure on both Cheney and Kinzinger, arguing that they are helping Democrats attack a former president, who happens to also be a Republican. Then, before the ink could even dry on the RNC’s censure vote, Donald Trump’s penis entered the fray and also censured Kinzinger and Cheney. History professors informed this publication it seems to be the first time a pair of politicians have been formally censured by both their own party and their own party’s disgraced, twice-permanently impeached and defeated president in the same day.

Donald Trump released a statement accompanying the announcement that his dong had formally censured Cheney and Kinzinger. An excerpt from that statement is seen below.

“If you ask me, Cheney and Kinzinger shouldn’t even be Republicans. I mean, who the hell even heard of the Republican Party before ME?! Investigating me is investigating the Republican Party, and you don’t do that, I’m sorry, you don’t do that if you’re a Republican. My entire family, and most importantly, my very normal and not weird shaped dong-wanger have been offended by this Unselect Committee from the get-go, and voting to have my dick censure them was the best thing I have ever done with the exception of figuring out how to make a kid I also want to fuck.”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.