This morning, while visiting an elementary school in Northern Florida, Gov. Ron DeSantis (Q) was asked by a precocious, some would even say adorable second grader. The young girl walked up to the governor and tugged at his jacket. DeSantis turned around and regarded the second grader with a smile.
“Governor DeSantis, where do babies come from,” the second grader asked in front of the press and her classmates.
Without hesitating, DeSantis motioned to his security detail and told them to have the girl arrested. Apparently, the governor believes that when the young girl asked him where babies come from, she was broaching a subject that was not age-appropriate. Under his state’s new “Don’t Say Gay” law, it’s illegal for such discussions to take place in classrooms set aside for kindergarten through third grade.
“The governor has made it very clear from the outset that Don’t Say Gay has a zero tolerance policy attached to it,” the governor’s lizard-faced press secretary told reporters today after the second grader had been hauled away to jail. “We simply cannot make any exceptions. Because kids should only hear about things like non-consensual sex and procreation where it belongs — Sunday School.”
The identity of the alleged lawbreaker is being withheld because she is a minor. However, Gov. DeSantis too-tight-faced press secretary did not have any problems with impugning the second grader’s character.
“Let’s face it — this little scamp was trying to start a conversation about sex at a very inappropriate time, and is therefore pretty obviously an agent of George Soros’ Woketopian Leftist Agenda,” Christina Pushaw insisted. “So, let’s stop trying to shame the governor for doing his job and protecting Florida’s children. Instead let us roundly and vocally condemn this second grader for her natural curiosity and desire to know about how the world around her works.”
The second grader is expected to be arraigned later this week, and under Florida law could be put to death by the end of the month.
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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.