Supreme Court Decides: ‘Fuck Trump’s Feelings’

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In three days, the Electoral College will meet and confer a Bachelor in Stupidity degree on Donald Trump Jr, and also do their Constitutional duty to select Joe Biden as the next President of the United States of America. President Donald J. Trump may, perhaps, not yet feel like the mood has quite struck him well enough to admit that fact, but thanks to the Supreme Court’s resounding and unmitigated rejection of Texas’ lawsuit against four key swing states, his days in D.C. are well and truly numbered.

The Donald Trump presidency has often been marked with unprecedented, norm breaking, and strange developments. Trump was the first president to be impeached and seek re-election. Trump was the first president to never release his tax returns in the modern era. So, it is perhaps fitting that attached to the decision rendered by seven of the nine Supreme Court justices was a Post-It note, written on the note was a single sentence.

“Oh, also, fuck Trump’s feelings.”

Notably, all three of the justices that President Trump appointed declined to hear Texas’ suit. Amy Covid Barrett, the newest appointee was seen just after the decision was posted at her local grocery store, coughing on fresh produce and rubbing bananas on her crotch. A local reporter asked her if she cared to comment on the decision.

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“Not at all. That would be highly inappropriate,” Barrett coughed as she spoke, “though, I would say in general that anybody who believed Neil, Drunky McTrynRape, or I would look at our LIFETIME APPOINTMENTS as some kind of gangster grift is probably too stupid to realize he’s being played for a lifetime appointment. Anyway, I have to go lick all the candy bars at checkstand number two.”

On January 20th, 2021, at noon Eastern Time, President-elect Joe Biden will be administered the oath of office. Outgoing President Trump has given no indication whether he intends to attend Biden’s inauguration. However, as we reported last week, it’s also possible he’ll be loading Air Force One up with his supporters and flying them to a resort in Guyana for a punch party.

ALSO: On Biden’s Inauguration Day, Trump Plans to Fill Air Force One With Supporters and Fly to Guyana

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.