Taco Bell Taps Charlie Daniels To Promote Their New IllumiNachos Bell Grande

Country music legend Charlie Daniels is not a fan of The Illuminati, and he’s not afraid to tell anyone about the dangers they pose to society. Perhaps it was Daniels’ stern warning to Taco Bell that opened up lines of communication that have led to the fast food Americanized Mexican chain to team-up with him to help promote a new menu item they’re rolling out soon, the new “IllumiNachos Bell Grande.”

From his Twitter account earlier this week, Daniels chastised Taco Bell for not taking the Illuminati seriously enough.

But this morning, Taco Bell announced their new menu item, and that Mr. Daniels would be their celebrity spokesperson for them.

“Taco Bell is very pleased to announce the debut of our new menu item that is sure to put a bounce in your step, and possibly help fund a secret society of puppet masters, pulling the strings of our society — The IllumiNachos Bell Grande,” founder and former CEO Tacobius T. Belle told shareholders this morning. “It’s got tons of fresh tortilla chips, nacho cheese, beef, steak, chicken, or our famous What-the-Fuck-Is-That mystery protein, and more than a hint of a special ingredient, conspiracy.”

Mr. Daniels released his own statement, as well.

“It is true that I will be working with Taco Bell on their new IllumiNachos Bell Grande, but only so that I can keep as close an eye on their globalist machinations as possible,” Daniels writes. “But also, because I love their Cheesy Gordita Crunch and I get a 15% employee discount now, so that’s pretty sweet.”

Daniels said there were other motivations for his decision to take Taco Bell up on their contract offer.

“Nachos are pretty sweet. I mean, I may be a corn fed, whiskey soaked buffoon, but I do love me some nachos. Everyone loves nachos. I’d be a damned fool to turn down these nachos,” Daniels said, cradling a plate of nachos.

Was this all part of a viral marketing campaign from the get-go? Taco Bell and Charlie Daniels are both staying mum for now. However, we’ll update this story if more developments occur.

More satire like this can be found every day on Alternative Facts and The Political Garbage Chute.