Tennessee Man Cleans Up Quickly After Spanking It to Avoid Charges of Attempted Murder

It’s not that he would lie around, languishing in the self-extracted afterglow. But now that it seems like the Supreme Court’s conservative majority is poised to help roll back abortion rights in America to a time before Roe Vs Wade, 34 year old Scott Manoot says that he’s been cleaning up after he “spanks it” faster than… Continue reading Tennessee Man Cleans Up Quickly After Spanking It to Avoid Charges of Attempted Murder

“Here’s Why Your Uterus Belongs to Those Weird Jesus Freak Neighbors” by Amy Coney Barrett

The following editorial was submitted by Supreme Court Justice Amy Coney OfJesse Barrett. The views and opinions herein are those of Mrs. Barrett’s, provided her husband agreed to let her have views and opinions of her own.  With your husbands’ or fathers’ permission, of course, I’d like to address this open letter to the women… Continue reading “Here’s Why Your Uterus Belongs to Those Weird Jesus Freak Neighbors” by Amy Coney Barrett

Overturning Roe Doesn’t Go Far Enough. Sperm Must Be Given Full Citizenship.

The following editorial was written by Will Riccilumbo, a Fox News contributing editor and 2020’s Shitdick Magazine “Shitdick of The Year.” The views and opinions expressed herein are those of Mr. Riccilumbo, and not necessarily those of this outlet, its management, or staff. For all the handwringing the left is doing about losing Roe Vs Wade… Continue reading Overturning Roe Doesn’t Go Far Enough. Sperm Must Be Given Full Citizenship.

Taliban Congratulates MAGA on Overturning Roe Vs Wade

Just hours after Politico broke a bombshell story — that the Supreme Court had voted in February to strike down Roe vs Wade — MAGA Americans are being congratulated on their success, though the source of the congratulations might raise a few eyebrows. In a press release sent to various news outlets, the Taliban told MAGA country they should… Continue reading Taliban Congratulates MAGA on Overturning Roe Vs Wade

A Complete List of Republican Interns Who Will No Longer Get Abortions After SCOTUS Shreds Roe

It seems that the nation is closer than it’s been in 50 years to allowing states to restrict access to abortion care completely. Despite assurances to the Senate judiciary committee to the contrary, three conservative Supreme Court Justices — appointed by Donald Trump — are poised to throw out the landmark ruling that affirmed a… Continue reading A Complete List of Republican Interns Who Will No Longer Get Abortions After SCOTUS Shreds Roe

Jesus Can’t Figure Out Why American Christians Want to Starve Children They Force Into Life

Speaking to reporters at his weekly press conference, Jesus Hubert Christ was asked for his opinions on a leaked Supreme Court opinion indicating the conservative majority is poised to overturn Roe Vs Wade. Christ reiterated that he, as a general rule, stays out of political affairs, however he did raise some questions he has, personally, about… Continue reading Jesus Can’t Figure Out Why American Christians Want to Starve Children They Force Into Life

Rapist Looking to Settle Down and Start a Family Grateful for Florida’s New Abortion Ban

He’s known for a little while that he’s ready to settle down and start a family. At 32 years of age, Chad Palumbo says he’s done sewing his wild oats, and wants to have some kids. For most self-described rapists, that would be an enormously tall order. However, because Chad lives in Florida, and his… Continue reading Rapist Looking to Settle Down and Start a Family Grateful for Florida’s New Abortion Ban

Coat Hangers and Bleach Pass Meth and Busch Beer as Florida’s Highest Selling Products

Just days after Gov. Ron DeSantis (Q-FL) signed a sweeping, new 15-week abortion ban in his state, an economic impact is already being felt. MORE: Bill Maher is So Sick and Tired of Millennial Liberals He May Stop Trying to Fuck Them One Day For over three decades, the two highest-grossing products sold in Florida… Continue reading Coat Hangers and Bleach Pass Meth and Busch Beer as Florida’s Highest Selling Products

She’s One of Congress’ Loudest Pro-Life Voices. Ironically, She’s Also a Botched Abortion.

Every Sunday, a devout evangelical believer of Secret Jewish Space Lasers devotes at least one post on her Facebook page to the topic of abortion. She is one of the loudest pro-life voices in the House of Representatives, and is not shy about criticizing those who consider themselves pro-choice. One could accuse freshman Rep. Marjorie… Continue reading She’s One of Congress’ Loudest Pro-Life Voices. Ironically, She’s Also a Botched Abortion.

Sexual Predator Poised to Give Rapists More Parental Rights

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh, one of America’s most famous and successful sexual predators, finds himself in quite a unique position. Should he decide to do so, Kavanaugh can help the other five conservative justices on the high court gut Roe vs. Wade and enable states to write laws that ban abortion, without exceptions… Continue reading Sexual Predator Poised to Give Rapists More Parental Rights