Taliban Congratulates MAGA on Overturning Roe Vs Wade

Just hours after Politico broke a bombshell story — that the Supreme Court had voted in February to strike down Roe vs Wade — MAGA Americans are being congratulated on their success, though the source of the congratulations might raise a few eyebrows. In a press release sent to various news outlets, the Taliban told MAGA country they should… Continue reading Taliban Congratulates MAGA on Overturning Roe Vs Wade

Jesus Can’t Figure Out Why American Christians Want to Starve Children They Force Into Life

Speaking to reporters at his weekly press conference, Jesus Hubert Christ was asked for his opinions on a leaked Supreme Court opinion indicating the conservative majority is poised to overturn Roe Vs Wade. Christ reiterated that he, as a general rule, stays out of political affairs, however he did raise some questions he has, personally, about… Continue reading Jesus Can’t Figure Out Why American Christians Want to Starve Children They Force Into Life

Republican State Rep. Wants to ‘Defend Christmas’ by Outlawing ‘All Pagan Rituals and Holidays’

CORNHOLE, TEXAS — State Rep. Tom Thompaulsen (R-TX) filed paperwork in Texas this week, aiming to “outlaw any and all pagan rituals and holidays.” Thompaulsen’s intent, he told Steve Bannon during a taping of Bannon’s podcast, was to “protect and shield the Lord God’s holy birthday from cancelation by American progressives.” RITTENHOUSE’S MOTHER UNSURE WHETHER… Continue reading Republican State Rep. Wants to ‘Defend Christmas’ by Outlawing ‘All Pagan Rituals and Holidays’

Jesus Gives Permission to MAGA to Worship Trump Instead

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY — Jesus Hubert Christ, Executive Vice-President of Holy Trinity, Inc., told reporters today that he and his father have decided to give members of the MAGA movement what he called “special consideration” and permission to break one of the Ten Commandments. “I know that for a long, long, long time we’ve… Continue reading Jesus Gives Permission to MAGA to Worship Trump Instead

Pat Robertson: “You Will Go To Hell for Loving Baby Yoda and Baby Jesus”

VIRGINIA BEACH, VIRGINIA — Televangelist Pat Robertson has a stern warning for Christians who also consider themselves fans of the Star Wars franchise not to invest themselves too heavily in the sci-fi space opera. Robertson specifically was concerned about a new character introduced in the popular new Disney+ original program, The Mandalorian.  MORE: Barr Says Presidents Can Ignore… Continue reading Pat Robertson: “You Will Go To Hell for Loving Baby Yoda and Baby Jesus”

Evangelicals for Trump Releases List of “10 Best Pussy Grabbin’ Moments From The Bible”

It’s no big secret that one key to the political success of Donald Trump has been his ability to count on the support of evangelical Christian conservatives come election time. Some might raise an eyebrow at a man who talks openly about wanting to date his own daughter, and who has had more wives than… Continue reading Evangelicals for Trump Releases List of “10 Best Pussy Grabbin’ Moments From The Bible”

Trump Supporter To Take Pipe Bombs, Shoulder-Fired RPG To Vatican For Pope’s Blessing

HOBART, ARKANSAS — Clem O’Connell bills himself as “the biggest Second Amendment defender west of the Ozarks.” From his double-wide trailer, Clem hosts “Gun Gabbers,” a podcast that has risen to semi-prominence among some on the right. This morning, Clem told his audience that he was inspired by a story he saw about people taking… Continue reading Trump Supporter To Take Pipe Bombs, Shoulder-Fired RPG To Vatican For Pope’s Blessing