Madison Cawthorn’s Kink Is Brazen, Shameless Hypocrisy and Self-Loathing

A new video has leaked online that reportedly shows freshman Congressman Madison Cawthorn (Q-NC) engaged in sexual activity with another man. Because scientists have long since proven that watching Republicans engage in sex acts can cause irreparable brain damage, we have elected not to link to or show the video in any way. However, if… Continue reading Madison Cawthorn’s Kink Is Brazen, Shameless Hypocrisy and Self-Loathing

Cawthorn Says His Stock Tips Come From The Ladies Whose Tits Bear The Cocaine He Snorts

With pressure mounting even from within his own party — such as a sitting U.S. Senator from his home state — to investigate allegations he participated in insider trading, freshman Congressman Madison Cawthorn (Q-NC) denied such allegations. Rep. Cawthorn did not deny, however, that he does get help picking stocks to trade, but said that… Continue reading Cawthorn Says His Stock Tips Come From The Ladies Whose Tits Bear The Cocaine He Snorts

Greene Says She Identifies as ‘Madison Cawthorn But Without a Dong’

During a recent episode of Steve Bannon’s podcast, freshman Congressmare Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-GA) was asked for her feelings on the spate of laws passed or proposed in red states that seek to dramatically tamp down on transgender athletes’ access to competitions set aside for the gender they identify with. Perhaps unsurprisingly, Ms. Greene indicated… Continue reading Greene Says She Identifies as ‘Madison Cawthorn But Without a Dong’

I Attended an Orgy With Madison Cawthorn and Putin Really Seemed to Enjoy His Mouth

Allow me to say from the start that I understand it sounded pretty crazy and unrealistic when Rep. Madison Cawthorn (Q-NC) was recorded on video telling constituents and fundraisers that since he’s been in Washington, he’s been invited to cocaine-fueled orgies hosted by fellow Republicans. I know that because he didn’t name anybody specific, it… Continue reading I Attended an Orgy With Madison Cawthorn and Putin Really Seemed to Enjoy His Mouth

Boebert Thought Planning Trump’s Insurrection Just Meant ‘Giving Boners to Some Dirty MAGAs’

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Responding to a new bombshell report in┬áRolling Stone┬áthat indicates she participated in a plot to overturn last year’s election, freshman Congresswoman Lauren Boebert (Q-CO) tried to bat away, deflect, and downplay the implications of the article. “Yeah, so I helped out with Trump’s insurrection, what of it? Tell me what the big… Continue reading Boebert Thought Planning Trump’s Insurrection Just Meant ‘Giving Boners to Some Dirty MAGAs’

Scientist Thinks She Can Prove Madison Cawthorn’s Body is Hosting Timothy McVeigh’s Spirit

POOPSCOOP, VIRGINIA — Dr. Henrietta Kittenz wrote on her popular blog, devoted to biology and science, that she has undertaken a study she thinks could “shed some really interesting light” on one particular member of Congress. “What my study seems to indicate, is that there is quite a good chance that Rep. Madison Cawthorn’s body… Continue reading Scientist Thinks She Can Prove Madison Cawthorn’s Body is Hosting Timothy McVeigh’s Spirit