A Complete List of Republican Interns Who Will No Longer Get Abortions After SCOTUS Shreds Roe

It seems that the nation is closer than it’s been in 50 years to allowing states to restrict access to abortion care completely. Despite assurances to the Senate judiciary committee to the contrary, three conservative Supreme Court Justices — appointed by Donald Trump — are poised to throw out the landmark ruling that affirmed a… Continue reading A Complete List of Republican Interns Who Will No Longer Get Abortions After SCOTUS Shreds Roe

Jesus Can’t Figure Out Why American Christians Want to Starve Children They Force Into Life

Speaking to reporters at his weekly press conference, Jesus Hubert Christ was asked for his opinions on a leaked Supreme Court opinion indicating the conservative majority is poised to overturn Roe Vs Wade. Christ reiterated that he, as a general rule, stays out of political affairs, however he did raise some questions he has, personally, about… Continue reading Jesus Can’t Figure Out Why American Christians Want to Starve Children They Force Into Life

Rapist Looking to Settle Down and Start a Family Grateful for Florida’s New Abortion Ban

He’s known for a little while that he’s ready to settle down and start a family. At 32 years of age, Chad Palumbo says he’s done sewing his wild oats, and wants to have some kids. For most self-described rapists, that would be an enormously tall order. However, because Chad lives in Florida, and his… Continue reading Rapist Looking to Settle Down and Start a Family Grateful for Florida’s New Abortion Ban

She’s One of Congress’ Loudest Pro-Life Voices. Ironically, She’s Also a Botched Abortion.

Every Sunday, a devout evangelical believer of Secret Jewish Space Lasers devotes at least one post on her Facebook page to the topic of abortion. She is one of the loudest pro-life voices in the House of Representatives, and is not shy about criticizing those who consider themselves pro-choice. One could accuse freshman Rep. Marjorie… Continue reading She’s One of Congress’ Loudest Pro-Life Voices. Ironically, She’s Also a Botched Abortion.

Justice Barrett Will Let Her Husband Decide Her Vote on Mississippi Abortion Law

WASHINGTON, D.C. — It’s unclear whether it was her intention to do so, but Supreme Court Justice Amy Covid Barrett just gave the American public an unprecedented preview of how she intends to decide the case of Mississippi’s abortion law. Or rather, how she intends to let her husband decide for her. In  Dobbs v.… Continue reading Justice Barrett Will Let Her Husband Decide Her Vote on Mississippi Abortion Law

Supreme Court To Carefully Consider Pros, Cons Of Forcing Teens to Have Fathers’ Rape Babies

WASHINGTON, D.C. — For the first time in decades, the United States Supreme Court will hear oral arguments this morning in a case that could have a transformative effect on abortion rights in America. Since 1973, every woman living in the U.S. has enjoyed biological autonomy — the legal right to privacy which enables her… Continue reading Supreme Court To Carefully Consider Pros, Cons Of Forcing Teens to Have Fathers’ Rape Babies

Texas Man’s Jizz Sock Reports Him to Abortion Tip Line

CARGA DE BOLAS, TEAXS –When Gov. Greg Abbott signed Texas’ new draconian abortion restriction into law last week, it’s not very likely that he could have foreseen a case like this one. “Look, did I wanna report Chuck? Of course not. Chuck and me, well Chuck’s cock and me anyway, we go way, way back,”… Continue reading Texas Man’s Jizz Sock Reports Him to Abortion Tip Line

Pregnant Texas Woman Sues Ex-Boyfriend for Child Support

GILEAD, TEXAS — In a case that might send reverberations throughout the Lone Star State and other red states that have passed similarly restrictive abortion bans in their state, a pregnant woman living in Texas has sued her ex-boyfriend. The woman, 27 year old Isabel Morales, is seeking child support, which in and of itself… Continue reading Pregnant Texas Woman Sues Ex-Boyfriend for Child Support

Texas Celebrates Its First Ever Forced Labor Day Weekend

AUSTIN, TEXASS — All over America this weekend, people will be celebrating the achievements and advancements in human society made by the labor movement. While some whose politics fall on the right side of the spectrum may only choose to use it an excuse to grill meats and drink beers, the truth is that Labor… Continue reading Texas Celebrates Its First Ever Forced Labor Day Weekend

Taliban Try to Lure Women Away From Texas With Less Restrictive Laws

KABUL, AFGHANISTAN — The Taliban are a far-right, deeply religiously fanatical group of people willing to use the threat of violence to cow their country’s populace into submitting to their theocratic rule. In many ways, sources say, they believe these facts perfectly position their organization to poach away American women from the United States, namely… Continue reading Taliban Try to Lure Women Away From Texas With Less Restrictive Laws