Madison Cawthorn’s Kink Is Brazen, Shameless Hypocrisy and Self-Loathing

A new video has leaked online that reportedly shows freshman Congressman Madison Cawthorn (Q-NC) engaged in sexual activity with another man. Because scientists have long since proven that watching Republicans engage in sex acts can cause irreparable brain damage, we have elected not to link to or show the video in any way. However, if… Continue reading Madison Cawthorn’s Kink Is Brazen, Shameless Hypocrisy and Self-Loathing

I Attended an Orgy With Madison Cawthorn and Putin Really Seemed to Enjoy His Mouth

Allow me to say from the start that I understand it sounded pretty crazy and unrealistic when Rep. Madison Cawthorn (Q-NC) was recorded on video telling constituents and fundraisers that since he’s been in Washington, he’s been invited to cocaine-fueled orgies hosted by fellow Republicans. I know that because he didn’t name anybody specific, it… Continue reading I Attended an Orgy With Madison Cawthorn and Putin Really Seemed to Enjoy His Mouth

New Biden Sanctions Cut Off Putin’s Supply of Republican Blowjobs

Within hours of Russia launching its full-scale invasion of Ukraine, the United States and its western allies had levied massive financial sanctions on Vladimir Putin and key Russian officials and oligarchs. The value of the ruble has plummeted in less than a week of military engagement, and it doesn’t appear that the Biden administration is… Continue reading New Biden Sanctions Cut Off Putin’s Supply of Republican Blowjobs

After CPAC, Tulsi Gabbard is Scheduled to Appear at a Klan Rally

If you were surprised when alleged Democrat and former Congresswoman Tulsi Gabbard of Hawaii announced that she would be speaking this year at one of the largest annual gatherings of conservatives, it will probably shock to your core to find out where she’ll be speaking after that. Last week, Ms. Gabbard, who famously flamed out… Continue reading After CPAC, Tulsi Gabbard is Scheduled to Appear at a Klan Rally

Dr. Oz Hopeful Republican Voters Still Like Electing Snake Oil Peddling Douchebags

This week, Dr. Oz, who rose to prominence and fame thanks to regular appearances on The Oprah Winfrey Show┬áin the late 1990’s and early 2000’s, and whose syndicated talk show has been lambasted repeatedly for promoting junk science, announced that he is running to replace outgoing Pennsylvania Senator Pat Toomey (R). Oz is seeking the… Continue reading Dr. Oz Hopeful Republican Voters Still Like Electing Snake Oil Peddling Douchebags

Jenna Ellis Leaves GOP to Form ‘Trump’s Balls Party’

MT. SHITDICK, COLORADO — Jenna Ellis, an attorney who represented former, one-term, twice forever impeached President Donald J. Trump’s efforts to steal last year’s election from Joe Biden, has decided it’s time for her to leave the Republican Party. During a segment on her television show, Ellis blasted establishment Republicans and quit the GOP, live… Continue reading Jenna Ellis Leaves GOP to Form ‘Trump’s Balls Party’

Ohio Creates Tampon Cemetery for Grieving Almost Mothers

AHOLE RIVER COUNTY, OHIO — The State of Ohio has contracted with a city’s cemetery to provide burial plots for used tampons. “Here in Ohio we value all life, which is obvious because of our new fetal heartbeat abortion ban,” State Rep. Tom Thompaulsen (R) told local newspapers today. “But we value life so much… Continue reading Ohio Creates Tampon Cemetery for Grieving Almost Mothers

Cruz Warns ‘Democrats Might Be Allowed to Count Every Vote’ if For the People Act Passes

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Senate Republicans are quite nervous as a group about the For the People Act, which is the first real attempt Congress has made to restore the Voting Rights Act of 1968 that was gutted by the Supreme Court during the Obama administration. The GOP has continuously assailed the act as federal overreach… Continue reading Cruz Warns ‘Democrats Might Be Allowed to Count Every Vote’ if For the People Act Passes

Cruz: “Republicans Are the Party of Lincoln and That’s Why We Defend the Monuments and Flag of His Racist Enemies”

WASHINGTON, D.C. — During a break in a Senate hearing on voting rights laws, Sen. Ted Cruz (Q-Trump’s Taint) blasted Democrats for holding the hearing in the first place, and referred reporters to one of his tweets for context. “It’s like I said in the tweet, Democrats are the real racists,” Cruz insisted. “Sure, our… Continue reading Cruz: “Republicans Are the Party of Lincoln and That’s Why We Defend the Monuments and Flag of His Racist Enemies”