God Apologizes For Not Telling Everyone About His Great Replacement Project Sooner

After a white supremacist gunman’s killing spree in Buffalo, New York over the weekend revealed the shooter’s manifesto included references to “The Great Replacement Theory,” many have wondered just what that is, and where it came from. In general, The Great Replacement Theory states that a concerted effort is being made to force demographic shifts… Continue reading God Apologizes For Not Telling Everyone About His Great Replacement Project Sooner

I Sold Tucker The Butt Dildo He Needs to Get Hard. He Didn’t Seem Worried About Masculinity.

Tucker Carlson needs a healthy prostate massage to get an erection. Before you get your knickers in a twist, let me just say that I’m not spreading rumors here. It can’t be a rumor if I heard it right from Mr. Carlson’s mouth, can it? Because that’s exactly what happened when I sold him the… Continue reading I Sold Tucker The Butt Dildo He Needs to Get Hard. He Didn’t Seem Worried About Masculinity.

Heidi Cruz Asks Trump For Ted’s Balls Back So He Can Suntan Them

Fox News host, and White Nationalist Magazine’s “Nazi Cuntwhistle of the Year” for fifteen consecutive years, Tucker Carlson, recently had a guest on his show who gave some rather head-turning advice to men who have lower amounts of testosterone: They should sun tan their testicles. It’s still very unclear what scientific data might or might… Continue reading Heidi Cruz Asks Trump For Ted’s Balls Back So He Can Suntan Them

Recently Orphaned Ukrainian Grateful Glenn Greenwald Sticks Up for Tucker, Tulsi, and Putin

Less than a month ago, Russia began its illegal invasion of Ukraine, and in that time much devastation and destruction has been wrought. In the fog of war, getting accurate numbers is always a challenge, but independent reports are that the loss of civilian life has been quite staggering already. Just days ago, an eleven-year-old… Continue reading Recently Orphaned Ukrainian Grateful Glenn Greenwald Sticks Up for Tucker, Tulsi, and Putin

Fox News No Longer Gives Anchors Choice of Being Paid in Dollars or Rubles

For years, Fox News has given its top anchors a choice between having their paychecks deposited in American dollars, or Russian rubles. Now that western sanctions have punished Vladimir Putin and the circle of oligarchs who run Russia, however, leaked emails reveal that Fox is no longer giving their anchors a choice. Reprinted below is… Continue reading Fox News No Longer Gives Anchors Choice of Being Paid in Dollars or Rubles

Tucker Carlson Lands Exclusive Interview With Putin’s Taint

A visibly excited Tucker Carlson announced on Fox News this morning that he would be flying to Moscow this weekend for the purpose of conducting what he called the “most important and consequential interview” of his career. “Brian, let me tell you something. I sound and look so excited, and I have this burgeoning trouser… Continue reading Tucker Carlson Lands Exclusive Interview With Putin’s Taint

Responding to Backlash, There Will Soon Be an Inbred, Anti-Vaxxer White M&M

McLEAN, VIRGINIA — When executives at Mars, Incorporated approved updates to anthropomorphized human M&M mascots, they likely could not have predicted the amount of angry backlash among certain segments of the American population. Just hours after news broke about the changes to their character designs, right-wing media had churned out editorials and rage-bait pieces lambasting… Continue reading Responding to Backlash, There Will Soon Be an Inbred, Anti-Vaxxer White M&M

Tucker Carlson Will Only Spend Angelou Quarters Once He Spends the Ones with White Guys On Them

Fox News host and trust fund white supremacist Tucker Carlson inherited wealth that equates to, as one economist once described it, a “shitload of quarters.” Carlson, an heir to the Swanson Foods empire, has a net worth estimated in the tens of millions of dollars. He could be assumed to have, therefore, quite a few… Continue reading Tucker Carlson Will Only Spend Angelou Quarters Once He Spends the Ones with White Guys On Them

Ted Cruz Insists He Can Gargle Tucker and Trump’s Fruit Baskets Simultaneously

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Two days ago, Sen. Ted Cruz (Q-Cancun) described the events of January 6th, 2021 using factual terms that appropriately define what happened that day. Cruz, speaking in a Senate hearing, called former President Don Trump’s failed coup attempt a “violent terrorist attack.” Almost immediately, Cruz started feeling the wrath of prominent and… Continue reading Ted Cruz Insists He Can Gargle Tucker and Trump’s Fruit Baskets Simultaneously

Man Apologizes for Losing Track of His Dick Long Enough for It to Become Fox News Host

BALLCRUST VALLEY, CALIFORNIA — It’s a time in his life Jack Strohkinoff will never forget. “Up to that point, I was known as the guy who never lost a damn thing. Not my keys. Not the TV remote. Nothing,” Strohkinoff told us during a Skype interview last week. “That day, though, something was just wrong.… Continue reading Man Apologizes for Losing Track of His Dick Long Enough for It to Become Fox News Host